I quickly stepped over to the coffee table and closed the lid before my friend could see what was on the screen. He froze and stared at me.
“Mikey,” he said softly. “Were you watching… apornographic movie?”
“Shut up.”
He gasped. “Oh my word. Pornography! In 2023! What’s the world coming to? Relax dude, I don’t give a shit if you were watching porn.” He sank into the couch and then narrowed his eyes at me. “You seem embarrassed. Was it something weird?”
“No.”
“It’s some sick kink, isn’t it! Let me guess. Feet?”
“August…”
“Dude,worsethan feet? Is it, like furry stuff? Do you get off on videos of fat people in fox outfits or some shit?”
“It’s nothing like that.” I sighed. August wouldn’t let this go until he knew. “Promise not to make fun of me?”
He barked a laugh. “You know I can’t promise that. Just spill it. You’re worrying me.”
“Remember Spencer Gilroy’s bachelor party? The special entertainment they had up on the screen?”
“You mean the camgirl playing with the big green dildo? How could I forget! She was hot, I wish I had…” He trailed off. “No.”
“Yes.”
“You’re subscribed to someone’s OnlyFans page?!?!”
I closed my eyes and leaned back in my recliner.
“Oh thank God,” August said. “For a moment there I was afraid it was somethingreallyweird. I don’t care, man. That girl was hot. Fiery red hair, right? Mmm hmm. That’s one way to get over your breakup.”
“You may laugh, but it’s actually helping,” I admitted. “I haven’t thought about Erin at all in the last week.”
August loudly chewed on a tortilla chip, then swallowed. “How about that. Don’t let yourself go down too far of a rabbit hole, though. Think of that girl as the training wheels before you ride a bike. In this analogy, riding a bike means actually fucking a real live person.”
“Thanks for explaining it,” I said dryly.
“Someone like Ginny,” he added. “I saw you two flirting in the conference room at lunch. She was picking up what you were putting down, if you know what I mean.”
“You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”
“I’m just saying, if you don’t ask her out, I will.”
“Ididask her out,” I exclaimed. “I told you all about last Friday. She had another thing going on. She insisted it wasn’t a date, but I’m pretty sure she was lying.”
“Yeah, she blew you off, it’s real sad,” August said impatiently. “Hurry up and jack off so we can hang out.”
“Are we still watching a bad movie?”
“Nah, I think I’d rather play videogames,” he replied. “Dad’s been bothering me about something. I need to shoot some fake people to distract myself.”
I went over to the TV to get a pair of Xbox controllers. I tossed one to August.
“Aren’t you going to jack off first?” he asked.
“Not with you in the other room!”
“I can make soft moaning noises if you want,” he offered. “Ohh, Michael! Your cock is so perfectly cock-shaped! Please stick it inallof my holes!”