“Well, I guess it’syouroffice, now,” Michael added.
“I hate you. I hate you so much.”
“I don’t want my job saved,” I said, still processing everything they were telling me. It wasn’t sinking in yet. “After that video was played in front of everyone, I can never show my face in the office again.”
“You mean the office where Sandra and Cornelius were definitely having routine sex?” Michael said. “With their wrinkly genitalia?”
“WHY!” August cried out. “Why are those words coming out of your mouth-hole in that order! Bleh!”
“I know you’re all having a lot of fun at August’s expense,” I said. “And I wish I was joining in. But can we please focus on explaining why my life isn’t completely ruined first?”
Michael shook his head. “Sorry. The solution is to just deny it all.”
“Tough to deny it when Sandra, to use her words,brought receipts. The evidence is out there.”
“Sandra is going to proactively contact the members of the foundation and admit that her information is not accurate,” Kai chimed in. “That’s part of the agreement I made with her.”
“That will be horribly embarrassing for her,” I said.
“It won’t be,” Kai said, “because she’ll be blaming her personal assistant. I’m the scapegoat.”
“No!” I said instinctively. “I don’t want you sacrificing your job for me.”
Kai braced me by the shoulders. “It’s a job I don’t want. One I’ve been trapped in for a while, now. This is my escape hatch.”
“But…”
“No buts,” he insisted. “I’m getting a severance package out of this. It’s the best thing that could have happened to me. Everybody wins.”
“Everyone at the office knows Sandra is a vindictive monster,” August said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “When they find out the video isn’t you, you’ll look like the victim in all this. They’ll sympathize with you. Just another target of Sandra Trout’s erratic wrath.”
“But the videoisme,” I said. “Just thinking about walking into the foundation makes me want to curl up and hide in the fetal position.”
“You can take the rest of the day off,” Michael said. “Give yourself some time to process everything. Meanwhile, August and I will go back to work and do damage control. It’ll be easier now that he’s the CEO.”
“Man. CEO.” August shook his head in wonder. “It’s going to take a while to get used to hearing that. I need to be on my best behavior from now on.”
“You’ll need to stop having sex with your employees,” Kai said.
“Dude, I know, right?”
Now that my job and house and parents weren’t in danger, it was time to deal with the other fallout from all of this. The fact that the three of them, my three lovers, were standing in front of me. Together. Discussing things that they weren’t supposed to know about.
“So… I guess you all know about each other, then,” I said with a pained smile.
The three of them exchanged glances. “Yeah, we kind of do.”
“Kind of?”
“I’m still not sure how you and Kai got together,” Michael said. “Did you meet at work somehow?”
“Total coincidence,” I said. “We had a mutual contact on OnlyFans.”
“It was a professional relationship before she learned I was Sandra’s PA,” Kai added.
“Damn. Small world.”
“Small Fort Perth,” August said.