“Dude,” Michael said. “Why can’t you just be cool about something for once?”
“What? I’m super cool. I’m a penguin, I’m so cool right now. And I’m excited that we saved Ginny’s job.”
“You saved my job?”
August jabbed a finger in my direction. “You bet your sweet ginger ass we did. We had my dad removed as CEO of the foundation.”
I probably looked like a cartoon character based on how wide my eyes opened. “You didwhat?”
“August organized a coup,” Michael bragged. “Before Cornelius could bring up your OnlyFans incident with Sandra Trout, August had them vote to remove his father.”
“He’s been asleep at the wheel for a while now,” August explained. “Everyone knows it. He comes into the office once a week,maybe. He doesn’t answer emails, and rarely goes to foundation events. I’ve been doing all his work for him for months. I called for his removal as a last-ditch effort to save your ass, but pretty much everyone was on board.” He chuckled. “The board was on board. That’s funny.”
“Cornelius was removed unanimously,” Michael continued. “And then someone nominated August to be the acting CEO.”
“No idea why they think I’ll do a good job,” August muttered.
“You said it yourself. You’ve been stepping up and doing all your dad’s work for a while now. And out of everyone in the C-suite, you know the company’s ins-and-outs the most.”
“Yeah, but CEO? I’ll have to act like an adult and shit. Gross.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage just fine.”
“Dad knew about your OnlyFans shenanigans, by the way,” August said. “Apparently he and Sandra were working together.”
“Why?” I asked.
“He wanted us to hire someone else for your position,” Michael said. “Long story.”
“And Ron Jeremy here won’t tell us why they plotted this together.” August elbowed Kai again.
“I’m doing you a favor by keeping it to myself,” Kai replied.
“Don’t do him any favors,” Michael murmured. “He never appreciates them.”
“Yeah!” August said. “I’m a big boy. I can handle whatever it is you’re hiding.”
“I was going to spare you this, but okay.” Kai gave me a little wink, then turned back to August. “Sandra and Cornelius have been having an affair.”
Michael had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. August’s mouth opened so wide I wondered if he was going to dislocate his jaw. Then he visibly shivered, and began dry heaving.
“Oh fuck,” he said, turning toward the bushes.
“Yes, exactly,” Michael said. “Fuck.Lots of fuck.”
“Stop it.”
“Fucking between Sandra and your father.”
August vomited loudly into the bushes. Kai winced. “Sorry. I tried to warn you.”
“I owe you more than you’ll ever know,” Michael said. He extended his fist, and Kai bumped it.
“You’re fired,” August moaned while bending over the bush. “All of you. Everyone is fired, and I’m burning that building to the ground.”
“Why?” Michael asked. “Do you think they did it in his office?”
August groaned louder.