I fell to hands and knees, my pulse pounding in my ears. It was over. I couldn’t do this.
I crawled up the stairs, my head spinning.
Keep going. Don’t stop until it’s safe.
I shouldn’t have been able to see my hands, but I could swear I could see the outline of my fingers. They were orange…no, red. A flush of heat washed over me.
I hurried faster, my vision fading to black.
No, please.I couldn’t pass out, not again, not yet.
The heat grew more intense, hotter and hotter until I thought my insides would melt.
Up and up I crawled. I could definitely see my hands—red glowing appendages, glowing red with fire.
I was on fire.
An orange feather sprouted on my wrist.
No.
I scrambled to my feet and ran, stumbling.
I could swear I saw something blue—a round shape. It didn’t make any sense, but I could swear it was Fernando, my blue companion, my brother, here halfway around the world, guiding me to safety. Yet the harder I ran, I never got any closer. The ghost of a guide remained just out of focus, just out of reach.
The panic crushed my lungs. The heat seared my skin.
I couldn’t see or think or breathe.
Everything stopped all at once as I collapsed.
CHAPTER 10
July 17, 1951 Marshmallow, North Carolina
I leanedmy hip against the magic shop counter and popped the last bite of my birthday danish into my mouth. As of yesterday, I was officially the big four-oh. Every year Mom bought me some sort of sugary breakfast to celebrate, and I wasn’t about to let it go to waste.
“It makes me worry, is all,” Mom said, a crinkle forming between her silver brows. “Sending you out on field missions,alone?It doesn’t matter how capable you are, Lily, it’s completely irresponsible of the library. You have to see that. You do, don’t you?”
While she waited for my response, I pointed at my mouth and took my time chewing.
“You’re human,” she said, this time a little softer, a little more pleading than frustrated. “You never should have applied to work there to begin with.”
I swallowed the hard lump of buttery, flaky goodness a little early, because that comment required a swift and definitive response. “You know as well as I do that I’ve been in magicaldanger my entire life. It comes with the territory. I didn’t choose to be born into this life any more than you did.”
“You didn’t need tochooseto put yourself in deeper. You could have done anything, had a normal life. You could have had what I didn’t, offered your future children something better.”
We’d had this same conversation countless times. She thought I should have thrown away my entire identity to pretend to be someone else and liveherdreams. I was content living my own.
“I don’t want children. If I had, I would have started a family before middle age. Society pressures women into one role, one path, with one set of rules. I want nothing to do with any of it. If anyone should understand, it’s the great Molly Fernsby. Now if you’re done lecturing me, it’s time I take my leave.” I pushed off of the counter, grabbed my bag, and headed for the door. “It was nice seeing you, Mom, until this last bit. Bye.”
“Lily.”
If I kept walking, she’d be too slow to follow. At seventy, she was still agile, but a little slower on her feet than she used to be. If I kept walking, I’d get the last word. Instead, I paused.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too.”