Bliss. Pure and utter bliss. There were no other words to describe how it felt to make love to Collin. His gentleness almost had tears spilling from my eyes. I literally had to tell myself not to cry. Because how embarrassing would that have been? Except my heart expanded to a proportion I had no idea it could. My entire chest cavity felt full, as though my lungs would have no room to inhale another breath. It was an odd sensation, one that I’d never experienced before, and one I was sure I’d never forget.
This was the feeling I’d been chasing. Giving my most precious gift to some random guy just to get it over with wouldn’t have afforded me this overwhelming abundance of joy. It also proved why so many said it was easy to fall in love with the first person you had sex with. Except, deep down, I always have loved Collin. Maybe I wasn’tinlove with him. But love all the same. I knew underneath that cocky exterior was a gentle soul. There had to be, since he and Sally were made from the same cloth.
His gaze locked with mine, and I could feel the pressure building behind my eyes. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable. Collin wasn’t a small man. Not that I had much to compare to, but I had enough knowledge to know the man was well endowed. After a pinch of pain that I knew would happen, I was fine. Was it the best sex Collin had ever had? Absolutely not. No way. I’d be lying to myself if that thought didn’t worm its way into my brain.
His fingers caressed my arm as he held me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Better than okay.” I forced down a swallow. “What about you? Was I… um… it… okay?”
He shifted his body and rolled to his side to face me. “Charlie,okayis not the word for what I just experienced. I’m not sure how to describe it without making myself sound like a jerk.” I nestled my hands under my cheek and kept my eyes on his, encouraging him to continue. “It was different with you.”
“Oh.”
“No, not bad different. Other women didn’t mean anything to me. Sex with them was just a physical act. The type of sex that you didn’t want to have, that was all I ever did.”
“That’s sad.”
“I never really thought about it any other way. It wasn’t as though I used them, because they used me too. It was mutual. I’d never gone into it with any sort of expectations on the line. Told you I was going to sound like a jerk.”
“I appreciate your honesty. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex. The physical act creates endorphins that trigger the body much as a drug would. It makes you feel happy and has been known to relieve stress. It also increases the heart rate, which is obvious. Many people use sex as a form of exercise.”
“I could get down with that. Maybe we should add it to our daily routine. You can be my cardio.”
“Funny. So you’ve never been in love? Had that burst of energy that sent your heart racing?”
“Aside from when I’m playing football? No, not really.”
“There’s nothing wrong with loving what you do. I’m just surprised is all. I’m sure you have a lot of girls to choose from. Speaking of, and I hate to talk about work, but what are we going to tell people? I mean, if they catch on or whatever? Reporters make me nervous.”
In all reality, it was bound to happen. Someone would see us out, or maybe we’d exchange a look.
“We tell them, ‘No comment.’ And before you say anything about that, yes, it holds the assumption that something may be transpiring between us, but it’s no one’s business but ours.”
“Okay, I can handle that.”
“We should shower and then eat. Come on.” Collin rolled himself up and planted his feet on the floor. When he stood, I had a glorious view in front of me.
I bunched the pillow beneath my head but didn’t move. Not until my eyes had their fill, which I would assume would be never. A sad feeling washed over me. Maybe it was my reaction from coming down from coital bliss. The crash after the endorphins wore off. I could feel the corners of my lips drooping.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” The mattress dipped when he sat back down. He stroked my eyebrow with his thumb and gently tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear.
“Nothing. I guess I’ve waited so long for this, I just don’t want this to end,” I answered honestly.
“Who said anything about ending? We just got started.” He pulled me up, letting the covers fall away. “Come on, let’s shower.” His fingers linked with mine as he tugged me toward the bathroom, giving me a very nice view of his back. “I feel you staring.”
I laughed. “Well, as you know, I’m good at that. But you should see my view. It’s quite spectacular.”
His gaze roamed up and down my body. “Not as good as mine.”
###
I’d taken the hardest of exams. I’d given dissertations on my thesis in front of more than a hundred people. I’d taken a chance and put my career on hold for this moment, and I couldn’t remember how to put the ball on the damn tee in front of the practice net.
“You okay?” DiNardo asked after bending down and setting the ball on the tiny stand.
After preseason, DiNardo and I had called a truce. Well, he did. I held zero animosity toward him. It was before our first preseason game against Arizona. I had a feeling that someone on the coaching staff had talked to him. Whatever or whomever was the reason, I didn’t care. It was a relief knowing he was thinking about the team.
“I’m nervous,” I admitted. “I still have visions of Charlie Brown and Lucy.”