Still… “That wasn’t an answer.”
Her smile goes a little sad. “You know better than most that no matter what questions you ask, there are answers I can’t give you.”
I should have known better than to waste my breath asking. She keeps her secrets close. Even from those she cares about the most. I had to try, though.. “I’ve always tried to respect your privacy. Now I need you to respect mine.”
Another of those joyful laughs. “Oh, Cass, you know I don’t respect anyone’s privacy.” Her smile falls away. “But I’ll try. Just this once.”
Apollo might technically be the Keeper of Lore, but Hermes is the keeper of more secrets than I could begin to guess. And yet our history has words springing to my lips that I know better than to speak. She might already know that I’ve made a deal, but I can’t help telling her why. “I’m getting out. Me and Alexandra. We’re both leaving, for real this time, to start a new life somewhere no one knows our history.”
Her smile falls away entirely. “I’m happy for you, Cassandra. Truly. I am.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “I’m not going to pretend I won’t miss you, though.”
No matter my feelings on the greater city, no matter my feelings on the Thirteen as a whole, my relationship with Hermes has been a bright spot. Never a permanent fixture, but bright nonetheless. “I’ll miss you, too.”
There’s nothing else to say after that.
We make our way back to the room where everyone has gathered. Apollo sends me a concerned look, a hint of suspicion in his dark gaze. Suspicion…or jealousy? I almost miss a step. Surely, he’s not jealous ofHermes? It doesn’t matter what our history is. There’s a reason it’s history. Not to mention that what I have with Apollo right now, real sex or no, is temporary. Our relationship is pretend. Fake.
I hate that I have to keep reminding myself of that, but it’s necessary to avoid falling into him in a way I’ll never recover from. As I just told Hermes thirty seconds ago, I’m leaving Olympus in less than a week. No one can change my mind about that.
If it was just me…
But it’s not just me, is it? It’s me and Alexandra. And if our parents were too selfish to consider their daughters when they attempted to assassinate Athena, I am not going to make the same mistake. I refuse to put my sister in harm’s way and compromise her future.
Certainly not for something as mundane as good sex.
Even as I cross to Apollo and slip my hand into a crook of his arm, I feel like a liar. It’s not just sex with Apollo. If it were, things would be so much easier. If we didn’t have five years of working together, five years of knowing what a kind and thoughtful man he is, five years of having him take care of me as much as I would allow.
Now that I know that he would take care of me both in the bedroom and out… I shake my head.It doesn’t matter.I will not let it matter. I will not be diverted from my path.
No matter how much it hurts in the end.
19
Apollo
Something’s wrong with Cassandra. I don’t know if her conversation with Hermes made her doubt her presence here, or if the other woman tried to rekindle an old flame, or if the problem is something else altogether.
With Hermes, I can never be sure.
I have no right to be jealous. I know that. I’m very painfully aware of that. No matter what physical agreement we’ve come to, Cassandra’s not mine. Even if she was, her history is her own. I have no right to this horrible roiling feel in my gut whenever I look at her and Hermes together. I’ve never been one for jealousy or worrying about my partners’ exes. They choose to be with me, and that’s enough. I have my own history, after all.
It feels different with Cassandra. The feelings are real. The attraction is more than real. But our relationship is as substantial as morning mist, and that has me off-balance.
I can’t even ask her what they spoke about because we’re standing in a room surrounded by Minos’s guests. We must keep up the facade. It would be significantly easier if I could concentrate.
Despite myself, I can’t help looking down at her, noting the furrow between her brows and the tension now high in her shoulders. She looks, as ever, absolutely gorgeous. Her dress today is black with a faintly chaotic print on it that my eye cannot quite make sense of. It gives a faint hint of cleavage that makes my mouth water and shows off her generous figure to perfection. The garment reminds me of the woman herself.
She holds as many secrets as Hermes does.
I realized early on in her employment that there were great swathes of this woman cut off from me. I tried very hard not to pry into her life and to respect her privacy, but I play my role within Olympus’s power structure for a reason. The temptation to delve deep and find out everything there was to know about Cassandra was almost too much to bear. Instead, I settled for a cursory background check and comforted myself with the belief that I knew everything that could make her a potential threat or asset. I might not know her secret thoughts or innermost workings, but at least I knew enough.
“Everything okay?” I ask softly. A perfectly normal question from a perfectly normal boyfriend who isn’t having a minor meltdown from finding out his fake girlfriend’s ex—the one person who’s constantly bested him at every turn—is near.
She shoots me a vaguely worried look and gives a half smile. “Of course, everything’s perfect.”
Lie.
She’s not even trying to cover up the lie, which is a strange sort of compliment. Cassandra knows I’ll see through her false reassurance. She expects it. I don’t know if that comforts me or makes this worse. I don’t have a chance to figure it out because Minos chooses that moment to enter the room, his boisterous energy flowing out ahead of him.