I dragged my feet toward the truck, trying not to panic at being stuck in there with just Xander for two hours, rehashing ancient history.
Already his smile took me back to the boy he was, that solemn expression that would somehow morph into amusement and then back again in the blink of an eye. Being alone in the truck with him was sparking memories of the night he’d driven us up to Third Base, a picnic spot and local hookup area. He’d laid me down in the back of his truck and made love to me like he couldn’t breathe unless he was touching me.
Because I’d asked him to. Hell, I’d begged him. Why Xander and not Will or Victor? I didn’t know then, and I still didn’t know now. It had just felt right.
I stared out the passenger window of his truck, the hood of Will’s sweatshirt tucked right over my face in case Mrs. Wonetski was looking out her windows at the guys’ house. I bet she’d seen some shit with all of them living here. Probably a whole chorus line of women.
The guys were hot, and girls had thrown themselves at them for as long as I could remember. Sometimes literally, like that time Rebecca Tucci had clung to Will’s leg for forty-five minutes, trying to get him to go to prom with her.
I’d been two years behind them at school, which had been a lifetime in school years, but they’d never cared. They’d always sat with me at lunch, and hung out with me on the weekends. Most girls hadn’t thought I was a threat, because those two years took me from competitor to little sister figure.
If only people knew.
“Zaley—”
“We aren’t even going to wait to get out of the town limits?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Zaley,” he started again. “I apologize for having sex with you and then cutting contact with you the next day. It was… worse than an asshole thing to do, and I know I can’t ever take it back, but I promise it was necessary.”
I’d been fucking heartbroken. He’d whispered things to me, things about being there forever, about how much he’d wanted me. I’d believed him.
I’d grown out of that naivety. Hardened my heart to men in general and focused on my dreams of being a ball-busting legal mind.
Look how that turned out.
“Why?” That was the question that had plagued me for years, through all the tears and the melancholy, and even now, late at night when I wondered if I’d ever be good enough.
He sucked in a deep breath. “We didn’t know we were Alphas, not really. We’d suspected for maybe six months, but who would know, right? Last Chance wouldn’t know an Alpha if he was right in front of them. And the idea of leaving you, leaving Dad, leaving everyone we knew was just too hard.”
He sighed, turning onto the Klondike freeway that would take us to the outlet store. “So we ignored it. We managed to keep our shit under wraps, control our tempers and the other bullshit that came with being an Alpha, until you came up to me one afternoon, as the sun was setting and we were getting ready to go out to that party at Third Base, and you asked me to be your first so fucking sweetly that it made me ache.” He let out a shuddering breath. “I couldn’t have said no to you. I’d never been good at telling you no about anything, and I wasn’t going to start then, even if it did make me a selfish son of a bitch.” He cleared his throat and was silent, and I wondered if that was as much explanation as I was getting.
After a couple of minutes though, he started speaking again. “Being your first was the fucking greatest honor of my life, and also the best and worst experience I’d ever had. You were perfect, everything I’d ever dreamed, and I’d jerked off to the thought of you wrapped around my dick more times than would be considered healthy by any medical professional. When you came”—he groaned, and my traitorous vagina fluttered at the sound—“it was nirvana. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to mate you. I had my teeth literally pressed against your skin, and I was going to tie you to me forever becauseI couldn’t control myself.I was about to take your dreams from you, make you mine despite what you wanted, because I was cocky and thought I had control over my Alpha.”
He grunted a mirthless sound. “I was a fucking idiot. It makes sense now, though, right? You were destined to be an Omega. Sometimes, I wonder if nature changed us because you would need Alphas. There've been no other Alphas in our family tree. Victor has theories about that shit. It’s all too philosophical for me. Anyway, I told the guys I kissed you and that the Alpha had wanted to mate with you, but I left out that we’d… that I’d—”
“Fucked me and stolen my virginity like a damn thief?”
His jaw clenched, but he nodded. “It’s not stealing if you hand it to me with a smile on your face. But yes. Anyway, they both said they’d been having the same urge, like their Alphas were pushing to make you Pack. So we decided it would be better if we left, until we had ourselves under control enough to be around you without making decisions that you’d live to regret.”
Of all the high-handed, idiotic bullshit anyone had ever laid out on a table and labeled a feast. “Heaven forbid you bastards talked to me about it. Instead, you abandoned me. Hardest fucking time in my life, and when Ma—” Emotion balled in my throat, and I choked it down. “And when I needed my best friends, you were gone. The pain was worse because I had no one to lean on anymore. I was alone.”
The steering wheel creaked beneath his hands, and he gave a sharp nod. “I can’t ever make that up to you, but I’ll try to be the friend you need now, if you’ll let me.”
My mind was at war with itself. One part of me rebelled at the idea of opening myself up to that kind of betrayal again, but the horny Omega part wanted to tell him to pull over so I could ride him like a horse with no name.
So I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the ride, until I could sort myself out. When we stopped at the store, I looked down at my bare feet. This was definitely going to raise eyebrows.
“You can wait here and I’ll grab you some stuff, if you want?”
That new, needy part of me liked the idea of my Alpha providing for me like that.No, not my Alpha. An Alpha. He’s not ours,I told myself sternly.Get it to-fucking-gether before your stupid heart gets stomped on. Again.
Still, I found myself nodding, my heart in my throat. “That would be great. Thank you.”
He nodded, sliding from the truck and striding into the building like he owned it. I sat in silence, trying to calm my flailing labia and digest everything he’d told me.
CHAPTERSIX
The reliefI felt seeing that all my stuff was still in my car was all-consuming. My purse, and strangely enough, every soft blanket and pillow I owned were stuffed into the trunk of my car. I stared at the mess in the passenger footwell—mostly empty wrappers and coffee cups—that showed I had driven straight through the night, and tried to search my memory. But there was nothing.