It feels like an entire hour passes as I just stand in the room staring at myself in the mirror, my feet still covered in blood. I want to take the longest shower of my life. I want to curl up under the falling water and never move again.
The years I spent trying to avoid all this were for nothing. I feel if I just went headfirst, I wouldn’t be so shocked at the fact my soon-to-be husband murdered the man I was supposed to marry.
I finally move my feet, and they feel beyond stiff. I open the door to the bathroom, looking toward the shower. I didn’t pack anything. I don’t have any soap. My hands cup the edge of the sink as I try to figure out what I am supposed to do.
Before I can think rationally, I walk over to Gio’s room, cracking the door open slowly.
“Gio?” I whisper.
He is sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows resting on his knees. “Are you all right?” he asks with a soft voice—one that sounds so foreign to me now.
“I only have a few clothes. I don’t have any soap.” I walk toward him hesitantly. “Or a toothbrush, or toothpaste, or—”
He grabs onto my hands. “I get it.” He nods. “You can use my things.”
I follow him into the bathroom. The shower is double the size of the one back at home. There is a double vanity, with only one toothbrush in the holder.
“I can have Enzo take you shopping tomorrow to help you get the things you need, but for now, you’ll have to use my things since you didn’t pack correctly.”
Because I didn’t pack correctly? He didn’t give me a second to pack.
He turns the faucet on, the water falling out of the showerhead like rain.
I chew my bottom lip. Is Giovanni being sweet because he is trying to lure me into marrying him? It’s not like I have much of a choice, but the person standing before me right now seems so different than who I knew before.
If he acts like he would be a good husband, then I won’t have any reservations about the marriage. But the truth is that every man cheats on their wife. I know Papa has twice, but Mama looks past it. I know for a fact Kirill would have cheated on me.
But Giovanni’s gestures make me fall for him, making me believe that I am the only one he has eyes for. I shake my head to rid the thoughts. I know I am just being delusional. His hands grab the bottom of my dress, trying to lift it up, but I stop him.
“Let me help you.”
“I can wash myself,” I snap.
I don’t want to be frustrated with him, but I just don’t know what to believe anymore. If I let him continue to see me, and help me, and act like how he is right is now, there really won’t be any turning back.
His hand raises to my face, and I flinch.
He steps back, resting his weight on the counter, his hands running through his hair as if he is disappointed in himself.
“Fuck.” His voice sounds husky and tortured.
I didn’t realize I jumped when he reached for me. I didn’t think I was scared of him, but that was before I saw what he’s capable of doing.
I can still feel his touch on my lower thigh where he tried to lift my dress. His touch sends thousands of shocks through my body every time his skin touches mine. It’s a good shock, but I can’t let my guard down. Every cell in my body tells me that I want him, but my mind tells me otherwise. I have to put mind over matter in a situation like this.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a lot today.”
“You think that I will hurt you,amore mio?” His hands rub his face in frustration, and he rests his weight on the side of the vanity as I press my hand to his chest.
“No.”
My words send light into his eyes. I pull his neck closer to me, pressing my thumb against his lips. His eyes fall on mine, and he wraps his arms around my back, trying to pull me closer than physically possible. I feel safe with him, and I trust him. But it almost feels wrong. It feels wrong to want someone this much. To have everything work out. It just seems like the universe is against me. I place a gentle kiss on his cheek as I step away from him and take my dress off. I move under the water falling slowly out of the head of the shower.
I have never been completely naked in front of anyone before. For some reason, it feels normal to be like this in front of Gio. I sit down in the shower like I have wanted to ever since I stepped in a puddle of blood. Giovanni pushes off the counter, kneeling before me, absorbing every look he can get of me. I have never felt so vulnerable, but this is something I need to do.
If not for my heart, then for the sake of having a stable marriage.
The water pours over my body as I hug my knees. “This has never happened before,” I say as I watch Gio struggle with his own thoughts. “Never seen a dead body before.”