18NINA
Iwalk into Papa’s office. The entire downstairs is empty.
The moon is the only source of light I have as I try to go through some of his paperwork.
I open every single drawer and only find things that won’t help me. I don’t know how Giovanni expects me to find the work phone; Papa probably sleeps with it upstairs, tucked somewhere on him so no one can do what I’m doing right now.
Never in my entire twenty years of life have I ever attempted to search through his things like this.
My hand runs over the oak wood that makes up the desk.
When I think about the deal I made with my papa, I want to remain oblivious to everything he does. I never wanted to be involved in any way—yet here I am.
It’s my mistake. I never should have gone with Gio tonight. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.
The fact that it was almost one in the morning and I willingly went for a drive with him thinking he wanted to celebrate my birthday . . . I should have known. I shake my head and walk over to the window.
The cypress trees trail down the long driveway. Ana and I were the ones who planted them when we were young. We saw those trees in a cartoon one day and thought they would look good in our yard.
Mama hired a gardener that summer, and we spent weeks on end planting so many seeds outside. I will never forget that summer. Things were simple.
The only thing I worried about was whether the seed would sprout into a tree or not.
“What are you doing?”
I swear my heart jumps out of my chest at the sound of my sister’s voice. If Papa catches me in here, I’m in deep shit.
“Nothing,” I say with attitude.
“Nina, what is going on? You have been acting so strange since dinner.”
My eyes jump back and forth between her and the door. I could come clean about everything. I could tell her that I think Giovanni’s using me to go against our papa. I could tell her that I’m deeply attracted to a man I shouldn’t be. Maybe even tell her that he fucking branded me.
Giovanni wears a spade on everything he owns. I noticed that his gun even has the symbol on it.
I’ve never met a woman who has one. The realization that he thinks he owns me now makes my stomach weak.
“I could tell you . . .”
I pause, contemplating whether I really should or not. Would she view me differently? I’ve always been the big sister who takes control of what I want in life, and now I’m a puppet on strings for Giovanni.
“Tell me,” she says, walking up to me, grabbing on my shoulders. Her eyes wander down to my neck.
She sucks in a gasp, staring at the ink embedded in my skin. “Oh. Oh no, no, no.”
“I know.”
“Nina, no!” My hand flies to her mouth to cover her shout.
“I know, Ana.” I move my hand.
“What will you do? Oh my God, if men see this, they will never marry you.”
I only nod. I don’t even know how to continue this conversation. No man will have me anymore. They know what Gio does to men who have what he wants.
Giovanni wants me.
I fall to the ground, covering my face from Ana so she won’t see the tears falling down my cheeks.