“You.”
“Me? I swear to God you better give me more than a one-word answer or else,” she said.
His arms ached with the need to pull her into them. He wanted her in his heart and in his life, but he wasn’t sure he could do it. Be the man she needed. He had held out the television studio and the restaurant as an olive branch. Look at me and see the good things I’m doing. But he’d done them to impress her. For her.
“Fine, the truth is that I hate who I am in this town—I don’t mind being a Gilbert out in the world because it’s just my last name. Here it comes with baggage, not just mine but the townspeople’s too. I watched you tonight, and you love who you are here. This place—”
“Isn’t more important than you,” she said interrupting him.
She pushed her legs along the sides of his and gave him a smile that felt a bit sad. “You let your guard down with me. Not all the time, but I saw hints of who you would have been if your parents hadn’t died and your grandfather hadn’t been who he was and—”
“I hadn’t lived my life?”
“Ironic I know. But there is a very sweet man underneath that arrogance and that strength that you use to intimidate people and keep them from getting too close. I thought I saw you trying to let that side of yourself out, but then I accepted that you can’t.”
He wasn’t sure he liked where she was going with this. He hadn’t realized how much of himself he’d let Indy see or how observant she’d been. But he shouldn’t’ be surprised. From the beginning she’d seen past the bluster to the man beneath it.
“That man wouldn’t have survived the loss that you’ve experienced. You need that tough thorny exterior—it’s the only thing that’s keeping you together and letting you live your life.”
“I’m not fragile.”
She tilted her head. “Not in the way that most people think of that word, but you do have a softness to you. I think I might be one of a handful of people who have seen it. That’s what I saw that I wanted to believe in.”
“I’m not two men, lady. I’m one. Both of those parts of me exist together, the same way that you have your fiercely driven side and that private side. We can’t be just one thing and we can’t change to please someone else.”
She pulled her legs back, resting her head on her knees. “I wouldn’t want to change who I am. I like me. I like you too, Conrad. I don’t want to change any of you.”
“Not even the part that is leaving in the morning.”
“Not even that. That’s your choice. I don’t like it, but I can’t change you.”
She put her forehead down on her knees hiding her face to him and he saw her shoulders shake and then she lifted her head.
“I wish—”
“Don’t. You’re not a wishing man. You’ve never lied to me. Please don’t start now. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”
He got out of the tub and walked out of the room and out of her life without another word.
Fifteen
Conrad had vacillated between coming tonight and staying away. But the truth was, he missed Indy. He’d regretted leaving the moment he’d done it. He’d thought he was doing what was right for her. He was still uncertain what was right for Indy, but he hadn’t had anyone to call his own since his parents had died in that plane crash all those years ago.
Indy had been right when she’d said that he wasn’t keeping himself safe with the thorns he had tattooed all over his body, covering the scars of the past and the man he’d been. He’d buried himself in the kitchen, found a world where it was okay to be rude, mean and let his temper fly. As the head chef he was the king and everyone had to obey him. Except that had been a false reality. He’d hidden himself in the kitchen away from the real world and the pain it offered.
He’d refused his grandfather’s olive branch because he didn’t want to reconcile with the man who’d made so many years of his life hell. He’d wanted the old man to die with that on his conscience. And he had held on to that hate as if it were a real thing. Tied it to the town of Gilbert Corners and walked righteously away.
But Indy with her chaotic energy and good heart had somehow found her way past the thorns and anger he’d always used to protect himself. He’d left her because he thought she’d be safer but that was an illusion he no longer could buy into. Indy was stronger than he was with all of his height and muscles and bad ass attitude. She had a strength to be shown the worst part of humanity and decide to create a safe, happy haven for others.
Her show wasn’t just something she’d done to figure out where she wanted to go. That show was the essence of the woman he’d come to love. It was her way of showing the world that even in an imperfect world home was what you made of it. And he wanted to make a home with Indy. She’d shown him she wanted that too. Now he had to do the thing he’d never believed he could. He had to open his heart and trust someone else. It had never been easy...
Until Indy.
So he’d thrown this party in her honor and hoped she’d come.
He wanted her back. Not just for a night or few weekends but forever.
A part of him must have known that when he brought her for the weekend, he’d won. He’d struggled to keep her from seeing too much of who he was. Then pushed her away once she had seen the real man.