I squashed the mocking inner voice that had taken on Kirill’s tone.Good,I thought venomously in reply. Ihope you both suffer endlessly. You deserve each other.
It was normal to hold full-blown conversations with the voice inside your head, right? I might worry if I had more energy, but I was maxed out on things to worry about.
“The Blue Rabbit, this is Federica,” a familiar, soothing voice said.
“Fede,” I muttered, my heart torn in two.
Federica had taken every Sunday evening shift for two months so she could answer the phone when I called. I’d tried it once, on the off chance I’d catch her or Theo and lucked out the first time. I’d hoped the line there would be more difficult to monitor if Kirill was trying. The Blue Rabbit got calls from all over, so a random one from nowhere, Pennsylvania, wouldn’t be too strange.
“How are you?” Federica dropped her voice, and her familiar tone was as comforting as a warm hug.
“Good. You?”
“Same as always. I went to see her yesterday.”
“How is she?” Nerves always coiled in my belly at the question. When would Kirill kick Mara out of Cedar Green nursing home? He would hardly keep her there forever, considering the huge expense. He was loaded, but I couldn’t see him paying his former girlfriend’s bills when he was married.
“She’s good. Very good. Gladys told me about a new treatment they’re trying on her. It’s making a difference.”
“Really?” I knew the treatment she was talking about. I’d wanted to try it for years but never had enough money to consider it. Was Kirill paying for it?
“Yes,” Fede replied. “You should come back and see her, Lori. If the Chernov bratva makes trouble for you, go to the cops.”
My head was spinning. She didn’t know about the baby. If she did, she wouldn’t suggest coming back. It complicated everything.
“He’s been here, asking for you.”
“Kirill?” It was hard even to say his name.
I looked over my shoulder, suddenly spooked. He loomed so large in my memory, like a superhuman. I almost expected to see him emerging from the shadows of the trees that ringed the park, summoned by the sound of his name.
“Yeah. He sits at the bar and watches Theo and me working.”
“He hasn’t approached you anywhere else?”
“No, not yet.”
“I’m so sorry,” I muttered, feeling wretched. I knew what he was doing—trying to force me to contact him to ask him to leave my friends alone. “I don’t get why he’d even bother at this point. Why doesn’t he go on his honeymoon and get over it?” My anger scorched a path through my chest, leaving heartburn in its wake, a common side effect of my constant nausea.
“Lori, he doesn’t look like someone who’s going to give up anytime soon. He looks like he’s just getting started, and as for marriage, he’s not wearing a ring.”
“So what? It’s probably a health hazard, considering how much blood dirties his hands on a daily basis,” I muttered.
“How about I come and see you?”
“No, Fede. The only reason he isn’t pressing you is because he knows I wouldn’t endanger you. It’s a risk I can’t take. Not right now.”
“You don’t sound good, Lori. You sound so . . .” she trailed off, unable to voice the obvious and make it awkward.
“Broken? Angry? Lonely as hell? I’m all of the above, but these calls keep me sane. You keep me sane,” I told her.
“Yeah, me too. I’m sorry all this happened to you.”
“Hey, it’s not like you didn’t warn me a hundred times. How did you have such insight into all this? You have a crystal ball you’re keeping a secret?”
Fede’s laugh was guarded. “I would tell you, but I don’t want to endanger you.” She repeated my earlier words, reminding me that we all had secrets, and it was our right to keep them.
I nodded and tried to focus on something that made me happy. “How’s Theo?”