“Why are you upset, Selena? Are you mad because I killed that man?”
“No!” she yells, blowing hair off her forehead in her frustration. “I’m sick of you telling me to leave! I’m tired of worrying about the next thing that happens that makes you push me away!”
I groan. “Really? You’re pointing my gun at me because I told you to leave? I was just giving you the freedom you deserve.”
I was willing to get on my knees with my gun because I thought she left. I’d be almost inclined to beg once I got there, if I knew it would make her stay now.
Her finger curls around the trigger, and her eyes narrow. “Do you even care about me?”
Do I? I’d killanyonewho hurt her, including myself. I’ve laid my heart out for her, even if it’s not in the way she expects.
I ignore the risk and the anger and deflect the barrel upward as I step into her. I decide to bare my underbelly and try to explain why I’m not always myself.
“I’m sorry for what I did to that man. And to you. There’s a battle within me to try to be good for you. It’s a whole war inside me. I can’t win every battle to be the good guy you sleep with. I’m not even sure which one is the true me, but I’d like to think it’s the one who would never lay a hand on your pretty head. But I don’tknow, and that’s why I push you away.” With a heavy grip on the gun, I wait for her to drop it before I grab it and put it behind my back. I pin her against the wall, lifting her wrists above her head. Her heartbeat crashes against mine. It angered me to no end when she pulled the gun on me. It burned the blood in my veins. But on the same breath, I kind of fucking liked that she did it. She proved her little point.
I lower one of my hands from her wrist and slide it down her body, but she drops her gaze and shakes her head. “No, Lex,” she says, and her weakened words prod at Lexington. He loves when she’s truly prey. When she’s weak. But I keep that side at bay and drop her wrists.
Everything feels so fragile, like a glass balancing on a pin. Forcing her further would knock that glass off its delicate balance.
I lean in and kiss her forehead, tasting the saltiness of her anxious sweat. “You sleep out here, and I’ll go sleep in the bedroom.”
We need to make this work. Somehow. Giving her space seems like the only way to do that. Everything is so raw that it will rip us both wide open if we push tonight.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Selena
Iwake up in bed without Lex. Last night came to an ugly head for both of us. I had the chance to leave, and Ialmostdid. I got in the truck, wrestled with the pistol in my lap, and decided to go back inside. But my anger still ripped through me, coursing through every cell in my body, and that’s why I pulled his gun on him. I needed to know why he sometimes seemed like two different people. Why was he always so willing to push me away? Only he could answer that for me.
I climb out of bed and hold my sweat-soaked shirt away from my skin. I hear the water sluggishly running outside. The sound beckons me and when I walk outside, the steamy air assaults me. It grows hot so early in the day here. I follow the sound to the shower stall in the back of the house and find Lex. He’s turned away from me as he washes his hair beneath the rusty showerhead. I strip my clothes off and come in behind him. He doesn’t turn around at first, his demeanor as cold as the water raining down on me.
“Lex?” I whisper. He puts his hands on the grime-coated wall. I reach around his slick body and rub a hand over his healing stab wound.
“I was a mess when I thought you were gone,” he says. His words make me shiver more than the cold water. “I didn’t want to live without you, bunny.” He finally turns toward me. Water drips from his nose and slides past his full lips. “I’ll stop pushing you away if you’re sure you can deal with the half of me Itryto keep from you.”
I lean into his broad chest. “Maybe you should stop keeping it from me. I can handle all of you, Lex. I’m not afraid ofyou. The person you become when you try to fight yourself is the one I fear. It’s this neck-breaking pendulum of emotions. It’s even more erratic when you try to make sense of that part of you. Even if there were a hundred dead bodies around us, I’d love you. Yeah, I was upset when you killed that man, and I felt a lot of guilt, but I wasn’t surprised. I expect you to kill a man who thinks about touching me. I knew a clock was ticking above his head. What I don’t expect is for you to push me away every time. Like you say to me, stop running from what you are. What you’re capable of.” I look up at him, blinking away the water as it wets my hair. “I accept all of you, Lexington.”
“How, Selena?” He tugs me into him. “How do I deserve you after hurting as many people as I have? After all the times I hurt you? That’s what I couldn’t figure out yesterday. After everything I’ve done to you, you stillwantto stay with me. Someone like me doesn’t deserve someone so fucking forgiving.”
* * *
Lex
Selena cleansup and gets out of the shower. She hates the cold water. I stay beneath it for a while longer, reflecting on everything that happened. I stay there until it becomes too much to bear.
I turn off the water and step into the sun. Its powerful rays warm my skin almost immediately. I grab the pair of jeans I set out and pull them on, letting the sun kiss my skin a little longer before heading back inside.
Selena is sitting on the couch in front of a fan, dressed in a pair of black shorts and a cami. Sweat beads on her forehead. I smirk. She doesn’t like the cold or the heat. She’s a picky little rabbit. She gets off the recliner and steps into me. I wrap my arms around her and forget all that happened between us last night. It’s as if we never extinguished someone’s life.
Selena is fucking insane for wanting to stay with me, but she’s not stupid. Of all the things she is—a little spoiled, stubborn, and bratty—she’s not dumb. I need to accept that she’s crazy enough to risk her life to be mine. She understands I could hurt her one day. I have to accept that she’s unconditionally mine, even when I murder a man for thinking of her.
I lean down and kiss her, tasting the salt of sweat on her lips. I brush her nipples through the thin material of her cami. She shivers at my touch. I grip both sides of her head as I kiss her, and there’s not a hint of fear in her, even after she’s seen what I’ve done with nothing more than these two hands.
She moans against my mouth.
“Oh, bunny,” I growl, stepping deeper into her and gripping her perfect ass. I hook my fingers into the waistband of her shorts and tug them down. The moment I expose her pale skin, I grow rabid. I’m hungry for her in a way this freedom allows me to be. The freedom we worked so fucking hard for. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt free in any way, even before I got locked up.
I pull off her cami. Her perfect tits relax and spread, and my mouth waters for them.