“You still have a chance to back out. I can still take you to the bus station.”
Her eyes narrow. “No.”
“Then enjoy what you won in our little game of hide and seek. You got to stay with me, just like you wanted.” I’m struggling to find sympathy for her. While this place is a downgrade for her, it’s an upgrade for me.
I turn around and start washing the dishes. Maybe she’ll feel better without the memory of a person’s dirty life strewn in front of her. My hands redden from the chill of the water.
“Hey, at least he didn’t die in the bed,” I call to her as she sneaks a peek around the corner. You get used to finding silver linings when everything else in your life is just a different shade of gray.
“I’m not sleeping in there,” she says. She strolls through the living room and prods the red couch, ignoring the lumps in the cushions. She pushes her weight down on the springs and rips away the cushions.
I turn around, dry my hands on a towel, and lean back against the sink.
“It’s a pull-out couch,” she says with a beaming smile that tugs at my lips, too.
“Do they even have those where you came from?”
She drops the old frame and snaps her gaze to me. I raise my hands. I don’t know why she gets so mad when I give her shit about being rich. I don’t care when she says things about me being poor. It’s just what we are and where we differ.
I walk over to her and wipe the sweaty hair from her cheek before nudging her aside and releasing the rickety pull-out. The lumpy mattress is stained with signs of age, but it looks clean enough for a fancy show rabbit.
“I hope the quarters are to your liking, your majesty,” I say with a playful bow. She doesn’t find the humor in it. I’m not sure what’s on her mind, but it’s making her pissy.
I lie on the bed and tug her into me. The old mattress coils whine, and Selena lets out a squeal. I guess now is the time to confront the big elephant in the room.
“What’s the matter, rabbit? You’ve been weird since last night.”
When she doesn’t answer, I roll over her and spread her legs with my knees. I look down at her trembling lower lip. If she’s not upset about my denial last night, I’m not sure what it’s about. She’s probably full of regret for staying with me in this decrepit cabin that still smells like a dead man.
“You can leave, Selena. No one is forcing you to stay here.”
She fights back the gloss in her eyes.
“What do you want?” I ask louder and shake her shoulders.
“You wouldn’t understand,” she says, shaking her head.
She always thinks I don’t understand. I understand more than she realizes. “Why? Why the fuck wouldn’t I understand? I wasn’t born with a golden fucking spoon in my mouth, but I can still understand you.”
Her eyes widen. “Fuck you, Lex,” she says through a huff and tries to squeeze out from beneath me.
“So goddamn mouthy for such a little thing.”
My words strike her harder than any fists could. I can only imagine the things her husband used to say that made her close herself off so tightly and lock her heart away. Until a criminal like me came along and knew how to pick it open.
She flails beneath me, but I pin her wrists and lean over her. “Tell me what’s bothering you, rabbit.” I lower my voice the way she likes. “Talk to me.”
She blinks and finally releases the tears she’s been holding back. “I...I just...I don’t want you to be so okay with me leaving. You keep asking me to leave. Telling me to leave. You’re pushing me away!” Her voice fills with anger instead of sadness.
“You really think I fuckingwantyou to leave?”
She lifts her chin, drumming up confidence from somewhere inside her. “Yeah, I do.”
“For once in my goddamn life I was being selfless and thinking about the wellbeing of someone else. I didn’twantyou to leave. Ineededyou to leave because it was safer for you.” I lift my gaze to the wall, staring at a rosary hanging from a hook. I drop my eyes to her once more. “I’ve never felt guilt. I was born like this. Something not quite right in the head. But I knew if you got in trouble for all this, or killed, I wouldneverget past that.”
“Let me decide what I’m willing to risk.”
“I wanted to let you go so you’d be safe at home. I could imagine a life with you I could never have. I could think about how happy you made me when I’ve always thought I was incapable of such anormalemotion. The only thing that ever made me happier than you was fucking killing. And the part of me that enjoys hurting people? I didn’t want him to hurt you, either.”