I had no clue what this dude was talking about, or why he was poking around in my head, but it was as if he took my thoughts and wrote them out on the paper.
“I’ve suffered through depression for the majority of my life,” the guy said. “I woke up one day when I was twenty-two and decided that I needed to do something with my life. As a result, I started going to college. And let me tell you something. I have a two-point-nine grade point average. Because there were some days that I could barely roll out of bed. That I could barely find the will to get out there and live my life, because I felt so worthless.”
Holy. Fuck.
How did this guy know?
“…Clouded my mind so deeply that I couldn’t break the silence to tell anyone,” I heard him continue.
I opened my eyes and found my gaze snagged by one so green and intense that I stayed there for a few long seconds.
Bain.
He was here?
Why was he here?
Then I nearly laughed at myself.
I was why he was here.
I might have told him no. I might have said that we would never work. That I didn’t want to try.
But that didn’t make him any less my savior.
“Depression is vile. A vile, nasty monster that crawls into your brain and constantly tells you that you’re not good enough,” the guy continued. “But let me tell you something, if you’re like me and have these thoughts, you are good enough. You are allowed to be happy. And someone out there will love you despite the vile thoughts that spread through your brain like wildfire.”
I looked back at that green gaze with helpless abandon.
He was still staring at me from his seat across the aisles.
He winked at me, and I felt my breath catch.
He was sitting next to my parents, who were watching the guy on stage with an intentness that told me that they heard the guy’s speech loud and clear.
They knew, as well as I did, what I struggled with. It was hard to hide that side of you when you were a teenager. I’d seen plenty of therapists throughout my life and had been on more medications to “try” than I cared to admit.
The only thing that had helped me? Saved me? Was the equestrian program that I’d taken when I was a young teen. Then further, when I shadowed a veterinarian and found my love for life.
Though sadly, a veterinarian had one of the highest suicide rates of any profession.
Not that I would ever tell my parents that.
That was a secret I would be taking to my grave.
Though, suicidal thoughts weren’t something that I usually struggled with.
“…Therefore, I leave you with this, my graduating class. You are worth something. You are here. You are loved. You are needed. You are the graduating class of two thousand twenty-two. Make your life something worth living.”
The green gaze crinkled, and I finally looked away again.
Make your life worth something.
Allow yourself to have something good.
Until I’m not anymore.
What Bain had said had been replaying in my mind on repeat.
Then the guy who’d just spoken… make your life something worth living.
Did I have that?
Did I have a life worth living?
Yes.
But did I want more for myself? Yes.
Was it fair to give Bain a depressed woman that often contemplated not getting out of bed? Who overate and overthought literally everything there ever was? Who couldn’t pull herself out of depression sometimes and who constantly thought she was worthless?
Could I give that to Bain?
Could I give him a piece of me and then trust him to hold it safe when I couldn’t?
Allow yourself to have something good.
I swallowed hard past a ball of nerves that was lumped up in my throat.
Until I’m not anymore.
I stood up and started to scoot myself out of the middle of the aisle, cursing my last name.
Diana Grassi put me smack-dab in the middle of about three hundred and ninety students.
I had to pass eighteen of them to get out of my row.
I had to walk past six rows before I made it to the door.
When I looked back, it was to see Bain twisted in his seat, watching me with a look of concern on his face.
I bit my lip, then jerked my head in a ‘get over here’ gesture.
He immediately got up and moved out of the aisle he was in, too. Much less gracefully than I had, due to his large size.
He was halfway to the door when I exited out of it into the empty vestibule.
They’d start calling names soon.
My name would be the one hundred and tenth one they called.
I needed to be back before then.
But first…
The door opened, and Bain stepped into the vestibule.
The moment the door was closed, I launched myself at him.