I feel disgusted with myself even as I say it. Even as I know it’s the truth, finally recognizing at the same time how much self-hatred the simple fact has produced over the years. “And if you think I don’t understand how fucked up that sounds, you’re wrong.”
“But you’ve come so far,” Janus protests. “You’ve risen so high. No one gives up the kind of fame you have, absolutely no one…!
That pisses me off, so I get right in his face. “Don’t tell me what I’m entitled to. You sound exactly like her. Our mother. Look, you don’t have to take up the Leander Mavros brand in my place. I just thought I’d tell you first and give you the chance since you’ve worked hard all these years to make it what it is. But whether you take it or not, I’m retiring. What I’m telling you, brother, is that we’re free of that woman who raised us. Finally and forever. And I’m finally taking my freedom.”
Chapter 38
JANUS
I’m bewildered by my brother’s decision even as we both walk back inside. Now that our family’s finally perfect, is Leander trying to push me out? Make me leave and be the one on the outside so he can be here enjoying our family while I’m gone, off making the money to support us all?
The sun’s setting. Which means it’s almost time for the kids to go to sleep.
Hope eyes us both even as she hoists Paul into his highchair that’s attached to the table for dinner. Diana holds her arms up to Milo and uses one of the few words we all understand. “Up! Up!”
I see the way Milo’s whole body glows at her easy acceptance of him back into her life. He’s ginger as he hoists her little body up. Her legs kick with delight and her giggle fills the room. Paul watches her and babbles away.
And my suspicious heart cracks wide open.
What if Leander was being genuine?
What if he wasn’t trying to trap me in some Machiavellian plot but was just telling… the truth?
And I’ve been just as fucked up by our mother as him… my eyes fall on Milo—well, all of us really. Because my whole life it’s always been a struggle between Leander and me. He’s always been trying to one-up me and steal spotlight. That was the subconscious narrative going on in my head, anyway.
Because I was conditioned to think that way. By her. Our own mother.
Even when externally we fought it and tried to hold onto each other, there was her still, small voice driving dissonance between us.
I feel like such a fool.
We all let her make us so miserable and distrustful and fucked up—and for what?
She was just one fucked up useless woman who had the bad fortune to be our caretaker for a decade and a half. But maybe it’s about fucking time to reclaim our own lives and the family that we’ve made here not because of but in spite of her.
“Num num num num, here come nummy yummy peas!” Hope says in her excited trying-to-trick-Paul-into-eating-peas voice.
Paul, as expected, has a wide open mouth for the spoon right up until Hope gets about six centimeters away. Then he either smells or sees the green goo and closes right up, making the spoonful of peas smear all over his chin.
“Apollo Mavros!” Hope says, but she can’t help laughing.
Which makes Paul crack a grin. And Hope’s smart. She uses the opportunity to scoop some of the chin-peas into his mouth.
He makes a funny face at first but then smacks his mouth and swallows it.
“What a good boy you are, eating your peas!”
“Are you talking to my son like he’s a dog again, love?” Leander asks.
Hope just looks across the table sweetly at him. “Do you want some peas in your face, love?”
Leander chuckles. “Try, beloved. I’ll have Janus take it out later on your—”
“Leander!” Hope blushes so prettily, I’m glad the table is hiding my lap.
Finally the kids are asleep.
As soon as Hope comes out of the room with Milo, I pin her against the hallway wall. She looks surprised but not unhappy about the situation.
“What are you—”
I kiss her. The last hour and a half was torture trying to keep my dick under control. And letting my hard-on full flag now while I press her into the wall feels like the greatest luxury.
She gives in, her whole body going soft against mine, but only for a moment.
Then she pulls back, shoving against my chest.
I allow it even though all I want is to devour her.
“Tell me what you and Leander were talking about.”
Leander whispers, “Not here. We don’t want to wake them now that we finally got them down.” I nod and grasp Hope’s hand, all but dragging her down to our bedroom.
And as soon as we’re all inside, I shut the door, then flip Hope against it. My brothers crowd on either side as I press her back against the solid wood.