So now I’m sitting here. Like a punk. On Halloween. By myself. Waiting.
Gemma washanging outwith Noah, which meant my one friend in the world was busy. When big brother is away, little sister will play. I was happy for Gemma–so unbelievably happy–but I missed her. She probably felt the same way when I would blow her off last-minute forwork things.
I never realized how much it sucked.
I started feeling bad for myself at one point, but then I remembered that I did this to myself by shutting everyone else out. I kept people away from me because it was easier.
I hadn’t even texted Ashtyn yet. I wanted to. Started typing out a message a few times, but what was I supposed to say?
Hi, want to be my friend?
I didn’t know what it was about her, but we had a lot in common. Both had shitty/absent parents. Both had older brothers who loved getting into trouble. Both have been sexually assaulted…
Like I said, I’m not good at this shit.
Hi, would you like to trauma-bond with me? No one else knows my secret, so I thought you’d be a safe person to vent to.
When I took Ashtyn to my apartment at Ethereal the night of her attack, she told me how her teacher had forced himself on her. I was happy to hear she had a strong support system to help her get through it.
I didn’t.
When I was assaulted, I had to hide it from everyone. Everyone except the man who arranged it.
My father.
I had to go on like nothing happened. Like I was fine. Like I wasn’t fucking destroyed from the inside out.
Most of the time I didn’t want friends. Other than Gemma and the guys I worked with, and I guess Theo and Noah, I had no one to hang out with. I worked. And trained. And worked some more. Having free time was weird—which was why I spent it away from my house, locked safely in the Moretti’s mansion. If Dad knew I was sitting here…he would find one of his friends or enemies for me to blow, no doubt.
I changed the TV to the security camera channel, choosing the garage feed, because Gio hadeverythingmonitored around here, but Kane’s parking spot was still empty.
I took a deep breath and typed a message out to Ashtyn. Before second (or third) guessing myself, I hit send.
Me: Hey Ashtyn. This is Dani from Ethereal. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Kane to get your number. I was thinking we could hang out sometime.
Me: Or just talk.
Me: If you want to, of course.
And proceeded to send two other messages. Ugh, I was a mess. I tossed my phone on the couch cushion beside me when itdinged.
Ashtyn: I would love to hang out and talk! I was kicking myself for not getting your number that night, so I’m glad you got mine :)
Okay, this was good. We were off to a good start.
Me: Awesome, are you free any time this week? I can’t really do weekends.
I cringed knowing that my schedule was determined by a forty-five-year-old with a bad temper and a receding hairline. What eighteen-year-old on this planet couldn’t hang out with friends on the weekend? Me, apparently.
Ashtyn: How about Thursday?
Me: That works for me. I was thinking of talking somewhere private…not that I don’t love a good coffee shop.
I wasn’t sure if she’d want to meet a practical stranger in a private location, but I wasn’t about to discuss double-murder, sexual assault, and whatever else…in public.
Ashtyn: I would offer up my house but it’s a construction zone at the moment. Do you have anywhere in mind?
I would ask her to my place at Ethereal, but with everything that happened there…it was still too fresh.