I can see that she doesn’t want to but after a moment, she does let go of my hands. “Okay. Fine. Just, uh, just call me, okay? I’ll come get you.” Then, “Unless your ex-boyfriend is as possessive and domineering as his best friend. Which I don’t see happening, but still.”
My heart skips a beat. Several beats actually.
Thinking about how Jupiter is right.
My ex-boyfriendisn’tas possessive and domineering as his ex-best friend is.
Or was last night.
He wouldn’t let me call Jupiter for a ride. Said that there was no way he’d let someone else take me wherever the fuck it is that I want to go. Not after what… happened. So he’d dropped me off at Jupiter’s himself last night.
Eighteen hours and seventeen minutes ago, as of now.
With shaking legs, I climb out of her car and begin walking.
Toward the party.
Toward Lucas.
I wish I wasn’t doing this at a party, but this is where Lucas said he’d be. When I called him yesterday and said that I wanted to meet him; before going to the motel.
It was the first time we were talking. Since he gave me the ultimatum two weeks ago.
Since then, there had been radio silence between us. I never called and he had no reason to talk to me until I made up my mind.
But now I have.
As I approach closer and closer to the party though, to the loud music and the high laughter, to the happy crowd and the love of my life, my heart is racing.
My mind is racing too.
My body is shaking and sweating. It feels like I’m walking toward something disastrous. I’m walking toward something that I may never come back from.
Because I’m walking so far,faraway…
Fromhim.
But then, I’m doing it for his friendship.
I’m doing it for him.
For him. For him.For him…
And then suddenly I come to a halt. Because I remember something.
Well, I remember everything now — from the past I mean — but now I remember it in a different way.
I remember all the other things I did for him.
All the other things I did — I felt —becauseof him.
The first time I thought Lucas was nice to me in those woods, on the night of my thirteenth birthday.
The first time I kissed Lucas.
The reason I said yes to going out with Lucas in the first place.
All these thoughts run in my head like a movie reel.