“Of course I do. Of course I…”
“If you do, Echo, then why wasn’t that on your list of things?”
My heart is racing now. My palms are sweaty and shaky.
Much sweatier and shakier than they were only a minute ago.
My breaths are practically fogging the window right now as I say, “N-no, I… It’s… I have to do this, Jupiter, okay? I have to make it all okay. Because I never… I never wanted to come between them. I never wanted to break their friendship. Be the reason why two best friends lose each other, and now they have. Their bond is broken and Lucas is all angry. Andhe…”
He is all regretful and in pain.
He’s tortured.
About wanting me. About the kiss.
And that’s why I went to him last night. To fix it all.
To make him and myself move on.
To purge this guilt from him and to turn myself into a good girlfriend for my ex-boyfriend.
And now that we have — we have, haven’t we? — I have to go back to Lucas.
Because I still haven’t lost hope. Even after Reign told me that Lucas knows. This teeny-tiny hope that they can be friends again. That I can somehow bring them back to each other.
Look, Reign’s always been alone, all right?
He’s always been misunderstood and judged by people. And I will be damned if he’s judged by Lucas too.
And while fixing Lucas’s downward spiral and winning back my parents’ trust are important to me, I know thatthisis why I have to go to Lucas. I know Reign would’ve stopped me last night if I’d told him. So I didn’t.
That this is the main reason.
For Reign.
I’m going to give Lucas what he wants so I can somehow convince him to forgive Reign.
Oh, and also love.
I love Lucas.
Do you?
“Echo.” Jupiter grabs both my hands in my lap and squeezes them. “It’s not your responsibility, honey, all right? To fix things. To fix Lucas’s career or his broken heart or his friendship with Reign. You can’t make everything okay. Not when it comes at the price of your own happiness. Your own heart. It’s not fair to you. You have to think about yourself. You have to think about whatyouwant.”
But Ican’tthink about what I want.
I can’t be selfish.
You can’t be selfish in love. In love, you do things for other people. You sacrifice. You be good.
But God, I don’t want to be good.
For once, I just want to be myself.
No. Stop.
“I…” I close my eyes for a second to focus. “I think I’m gonna go now.”