“Most of my travel has been to Italy, from there we did the touristy things a bit. But mostly it’s all business.”
She nods, and the wait staff from Enzo’s that I hired for the night start placing our appetisers onto the table. We thank them and they leave us to it.
“You said you spent some time in Japan?” I ask. “How was that?”
“Sugoi,” she says. “Amazing. It’s a completely different world to here. I spent year eleven there. My host family were so sweet, honestly, I didn’t want to leave. Ria and I went back a few years ago, so we got to catch up.”
“Favourite place?” The conversation flows, like two usual lovers getting to know each other.
“Wow! Favourite.” She shrugs. “It’s hard to say. But I’d have to say the summer Ria and I spent in Ibiza. We were meant to stay for a couple of weeks, but we sweet-talked our way into overseeing this new club and we scored Ria’s first big gig there. Every night was crazy. I mean, I can’t say it was trouble free, but when you get the two of us together that’s inevitable.”
“I bet.” I shake my head, with a chuckle. “Sounds like you girls had a lot of fun.”
She sighs, a wistful sound. “The best.”
Before she had to give it up.
“C’mon, what about you?” She sits up and leans forward. “And no way am I believing you and Dante were sweet little saints all work and no play.”
At that, I laugh. “Far from it. I doubt anyone could describe us as saints. Maybe go down the other direction.”
She rubs her hands together. “Now we’re talking.”
And we talk for hours, as we eat. I tell her some of our most crazy stories, ones that have her holding her belly laughing. We talk about music, and life, and places we want to go. Her cheeks are rosy, happily sipping her champagne. She doesn’t balk at the dark times, the violence, or the girls. She accepts every word, every part of me with no judgement and it’s hard not to think of the wasted time. All those years keeping her at a distance, the lost memories we could have shared together. The pain we both could have escaped together.
But there was also another reason I wanted to talk privately. One that’s been on my mind ever since I first was inside her, and to say I’m nervous is an understatement. Probably why I switched to whisky a few drinks back. After all that’s said and done, what I’m about to say might just be the deal breaker for her.
“There is something I wanted to talk to you about,” I say and probably could’ve had a better delivery.
She pauses with her glass half-way to her mouth and her eyes widen as she watches me over the rim. She sizes me up quickly and lets out a long sigh.
“Hang on,” she says, then brings the glass to her lips and downs her full glass of champagne. “Okay, now I’m ready.”
My smile is there, but only just. I shift in my seat, trying to find the words.
“Oh God.” She watches me, slightly freaked out. “This isn’t good.”
“Its…” I blow out a breath and shake my head. “Not an easy topic to talk about for us guys.’
She frowns, and sits up straighter, even more intrigued. “Just rip it off like a band aid.”
I nod and decide to do just that. “It’s about us having unsafe sex.”
Her face says it all, her mouth hangs open.
“That’s not something I do. Being unprotected.” I continue quickly, as she says, ripping it off like a band aid.
“I don’t have anything, if that’s what you’re asking!” Her eyebrows raise, and her voice is a little higher.
“No, no.” I shake my head. Shit. That’s not what I meant.
“Do you?” she says and soon her voice will be at a pitch it’ll break the crystal glasses on the table.
“No, of course not.” I loosen the collar of my shirt, trying to stop it from choking me. “But I’ve never wanted to have children. Obviously, we can’t change the past, and if something is to come from it, then we can deal with it. But in the future…”
Her entire body relaxes, and a smile tugs at her lips. “Ren, it’s okay, don’t worry. I have an implant, we’re covered."
Like a tonne of bricks, disappointment drops down on me, fast and furious, and completely unwanted and unexpected.