I close my eyes. I’ve got too many words and not enough ways to order them. How do I know? Because saying it aloud is as easy as breathing. Because even the mention of her name lights my skin on fire. Because she’s my first thought in the morning, and my last at night.
Because I just. Fucking. Know.
I swallow. “Because even though I’m unlucky with you, I feel even unluckier without you.”
Her breathing grows denser, filling the hollows in my chest. I suddenly remember why I brought her here:I need to know you’re not like the others.
As her body trembled against mine on the headland, I realized all the money and the gifts and the fancy meals would never bring her reassurance. Only my actions and my words will. She’s damaged. Broken by men from our world, and it’s my responsibility to patch her back up and make sure she never shatters again.
When I hook my fingers onto the latticed grate, my fingertips brush against hers on the other side. “I’m not going anywhere, Queenie. Not ever.”
“Even if you almost get killed again?”
My laugh filters through the grate. “I’ve just accepted that near-death experiences are a hazard of being with you.”
The grate rattles softly. She must have put her head against it too, because I can feel her warmth and smell her perfume. I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting against the urge to punch through this wall and grab for her. Instead, I take all the restraint I can muster and slip a hundred dollar bill out of my pocket, then push it into the grate.
“Kiss me.”
After a few seconds, it slides back the opposite direction and drops back onto my lap. Then there’s a shuffle and hinges groan, and soft candlelight fills my booth. My gaze slides to Penny darkening the doorway. She stoops to clamber inside and sits on my lap.
Her cheeks are wet and warm against mine. She brushes her lips up my jaw and over my mouth, and whispers against it.
“This one is free.”
Theofficeisfilledwith the sound of crunching and cogs whirring. Nico crams another handful of chips in his mouth and chews thoughtfully.
“He’s card counting.”
“He’s too stupid to card count.”
More crunching. We’ve been studying who we’ve dubbed ‘red shirt dude’ on the monitor for three-quarters of an hour, and we’re still no closer to agreeing on whether he’s a cheat or not.
Nico swipes his feet off the desk and taps the keyboard, zooming in on him. “Look at his lips moving, Pen. He’s counting.”
“He could be saying anything. Humming the National Anthem, reciting his favorite Bible verse. Only beginners count aloud.”
He glances at me in disbelief. “You really wanna win that fifty bucks, huh?”
I laugh. “Sure do.”
As we fall into an easy silence, a burst of happiness spreads through my chest. Ilovecoming into work. Not only do I get the thrill of swindling-by-proxy, but I get to hang out with Nico. Sitting here, eating snacks and talking shit, it feels like we’re kids hiding in the coat room of the Visconti Grand again.
Nico cracks open the heart-shaped box of chocolates I bought him. It’s not the usual type of snack I bring into work for us, but it is Valentine’s Day, after all.
“Got a hot date after work, then?”
He huffs quietly, like my question isn’t worth an answer. “Unfortunately, you’re the only girl in my life, Little P.”
“Jeez, that’s sad.”
“No sadder than you actually having a Valentine, and coming into work, anyway.”
His words make my chest constrict, but a deep breath and a few rational thoughts put me back rights. I’ve come into work as usual, because neither Rafe nor I have brought up the holiday in conversation.
I don’t know. We’ve been in this weird-yet-perfect limbo that doesn’t have a name or a rule book. Everything shifted about two weeks ago, after the night he took me to the church. Something about him opening up has made me more relaxed and a lot less bitter. We’ve swapped fine dining for the diner, and my couture dressers for pajamas. I don’t torture myself by heading upstairs to my apartment after our dates and curtain twitching all night, either. I sleep in his car, and sometimes, when his goodnight kiss breaks my resolve, I even invite him upstairs to fuck.
Okay, all of the time.