I close my eyes, remembering the fight and my anxiety. “It will be safe for me to be there?” I ask, cuddling him when he rolls to my side. “I want to be there.”
“I can’t keep you from there even though I wish you’d stay far away from The Grot. We’ll have a ton of security there and you won’t be where the commoners are. You’ll be safe. I won’t have space to worry about you, Drew.”
“I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“Then will you stay away?”
I swallow and intertwine my fingers with his. “I can’t.”
“I need to make love to you one more time before we land. Before tonight. Before it, all changes.”
Furrowing my brow, I turn to meet his gaze. “What will change?”
“How you look at me.”
“That will never change. You don’t think I know what you do in the dark, Riley?”
“It’s different from this kind of business. It’s personal. It has the ability to change our relationship. My parents said it was a mistake. That I should handle it differently, but The Grot is where our business began and it’s where it needs to end.”
I nod, even though everything inside me doesn’t agree. “I understand, and I promise you nothing will change. Right here next to you is my place. It will always be my place.”
He exhales. “You have no idea how relieved that makes me feel.”
Bringing our interlocked hands up to my face, I kiss his hand. “You’re my forever. Not just this lifetime, but the next, too. I accept all problems face on, even the regular ones.”
“Same,” he says, bringing our hands to his lips to press a kiss to my hand. “All of this talk about regular problems got me wondering, when did you last have your period? Wasn’t it due now?”
Wincing, I look up to the low ceiling and the small lights that dim our small cabin. “I… I don’t know. I lost time when I was in,” I stutter. “When I was in The Ring.” I count backward, then forward. “It’s late.”
“I thought so.”
“That’s normal,” I whisper.It’s not. My cycle is like clockwork. “Don’t worry. I’m sure it will ruin our night tomorrow.” I grin up at him, but the twinkle in his eye is gone. It’s replaced by worry. He wants me to see it, too. “It’s a little late sometimes.” Reassuring him isn’t working. “I promise.”
“If it doesn’t come?”
I swallow, the lust haze replaced by something more sinister. “We’ve never had this conversation. We haven’t had need to, I suppose. We’re married, Riley. I’m your consort.”
“I’m your husband,” he amends. “You’re my wife. Consort is for the world. Husband and Wife are ours.”
I nod. “So, tell me how you feel about being a father.”
He shakes his head once. “That wasn’t the question. If it doesn’t come?”
Ah, he needs to know how I feel first. “I lost a baby once, and if I’m granted another chance after the trauma I went through, I’d want that chance.” I blow out a nervous breath as Riley releases my hand and lays his palm on my chest. “As long as that’s what you want.”
“I want what you want,” he says. “Always.”
“Are you sure? You seem worried.”
He turns his gaze up to the ceiling. His profile is silhouetted in the low light. “Lamb, can you think of any other reason I’d be worried about you being pregnant? Other than being a father to a baby made inside the person I love endlessly? Any other reason I’d have to be concerned?”
It takes him speaking the words for the reality to hit and my stomach sinks. Worse than realization and dread, I feel sick. “It might not be yours.”
His exhale is long and hard. “Of course, it will be, even if it’s not. There’s no reason for this to leave the room though, right?”
He doesn’t want me to tell Jesse. I lie. “There’s still a chance my period is coming. It would be foolish to say anything to anyone else. It will stay in this room.” I bring my hand to my lower stomach and Riley’s gaze cuts to the movement.
“You feel okay?”