As soon as we get into the familiar elevator, I sink to the floor and pull my knees up to my chest. “I need to stop by the other apartment briefly,” Reggie says. When the doors ding open, I understand what he meant. Jesse is standing in front of his door, a small duffel in one hand and a pair of boxing gloves in the other. His hair is a mismatch of bright blonde and brown, and he looks bigger than I’ve ever seen him.
“What happened?” Jesse asks Reggie.
“She was out with the girls tonight and drank a handle of vodka,” Reggie says, voice laced with annoyance. “Just stopping by to give you this.” He hands him an envelope, and the room spins.
“I can talk for myself. Let me talk for myself!” I yell.
Jesse raises his brows and swallows hard. Reggie exhales noisily like he’s annoyed by the child he’s babysitting. “Talk then, Drew. What do you have to say?”
I stand, wobbling, and catching Reggie’s arm. “I want to talk to you. Can I talk to you?” I ask Jesse.
He nods, looking at Reggie. “If he lets you. They have you under lock and key these days.”
I furrow my brow. “They do not. I do what I want!” I cringe when I hear the drunken sentence leave my face. “Can I talk to him for a minute? Alone?”
Reggie laughs. “Never alone again, but yes. Hurry. Riley is waiting.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I step off the elevator, and Jesse catches me when Reggie lets go. Reggie paces a few steps and turns his back to us. That’s the extent of the privacy we get. “Drew, there’s nothing more to say.” Jesse’s voice is cracked and tired.
I glance up at him, and god, I hate what I feel—a dirty traitor feels less guilt. I cry because I’m drunk, and I know this might be the last time I’ll talk to him. He drops his boxing gloves. “Everyone calls you bad. They say you used me for a revenge plan. They say you do this to everyone because you don’t know how to love because no one has loved you properly. I call bullshit, Jesse. I remember,” I say, voice cracking. “I remember. I was awake when you claimed me in that room. When you apologized. When you did something because it was the right thing to do. It had nothing to do with revenge or some master plan to get back at my bitch sister. You love me.” I shake my head. “And I don’t care if you say it back because you need to hear it before…” My words trail off. I can’t bring myself to say it.
“Before what? Before I die? Drew, I’m not going to lose. I have never lost a fight. Only once and it was purposeful. I appreciate the sentiment, but,” Jesse growls, bringing a hand up to cup my neck. “You’re bidding farewell to the wrong brother.”
“Get your hands off her,” Reggie says—there quicker than I knew was possible.
Jesse puts both hands up, palms out. “I forgot. Astor property.”
“Fuck you, Jesse. Fuck you.”
He grins. “There’s the mouth I love.”
Wiping at my face, the angry tears come down in a cascade. My stomach turns—the alcohol threatening to exit. “Why did you do this?” The question comes out in a sad whisper. I wanted to be strong, but I wasn’t expecting this conversation to happen. “I remember how you acted. How tender. You said the words I’m sorry. Astor’s don’t apologize. Why then?”
Jesse’s eyes dart away from me. “It was all for the cameras, okay? They were filming, and things needed to look a certain way. Both our lives depended on it at that point! Drop it. Go to Riley.” The elevator pings open and a scantily clad woman steps into the hallway. My stomach sinks when a familiarity crosses Jesse’s face.
“Go on in, I have to run a quick errand and we can head to the airport,” he says, opening his door for her. I feel crowded and confused, my brain cloudy and also laser focused.
Reggie lays a hand on my forearm. “Riley is heading down here. It’s best if we beat him to the elevator.” He hits the button, and I continue to stare angrily at Jesse’s stoic face. I commit it to memory, the way it looks now as he stares at me with contempt and a pure hatred. The shiny doors close, replacing his face with my own reflecting back at me. I look like a different person. The doors open a few seconds later and Riley is waiting for us.
The second I step out, he pulls me into his arms, and I cry. He must think I’m crazy—insane even. “You can’t fix me,” I sob. “I’m an awful person.”
Riley sweeps us into his apartment and locks the door. “What happened?”
I swallow down the nausea as I try to calm down. “I ran into Jesse.”
“What did he do?”
I lift one brow. “He didn’t do anything. He told me what everyone has been telling me.”
He pulls my head to his chest, and I can hear how it pounds. As if he’s nervous, or angry, or terrified. “It’s easier this way, Drew.”
“What’s easier? He said he’s going to kill you tomorrow, Riley.” I look at him, stressed out, his dress shirt unbuttoned, a few laptops scattered around the living room. “Are you prepared to fight him? He looks like some sort of demon. He had boxing gloves and was covered in sweat. I know why he’s not handling any business, it’s because he’s training, training to kill you.”
“That’s not how this works.” He smiles softly. “Are you worried for me now? Is that what it took to get you on my side? Jesse being a prick?” Riley chuckles.
I crinkle my brow. “I’ve always been on your side.” I hold up the diamonds weighing down my wrist. “Obviously!”
His eyes turn sad. “That wasn’t your choice, lamb.”