“You, you, you, don’t do fighting, Riley. You aren’t young anymore. What if he kills you?”
The smile that unfolds is positively evil. “I’ve never been more enraged or had more to lose in my life. Jesse feels like he never had a choice to walk away. He could have walked away after he threw that fight. I gave him freedom. He didn’t take it. Jesse saw the Astor name and played the long game to get the one thing he wanted more than oxygen. To kill the woman who murdered his son Wyatt. You were a tool. One so sharp I’m still reeling from the game he played with us.”
“It has to be to the death? You said as your consort, I had a say! If it has to be a fight, let it be just that. A fight. Why to the death?” My heart is pounding against my chest, and I can feel my cheeks heat. Raising my voice isn’t something I do often, and especially never to Riley.
“Leaders can’t show weakness, Drew. If a swift punishment isn’t dealt, it’s a sign of weakness. Even more so because he’s my brother. That’s how enemies get the idea they can usurp the king.” He shakes his head. “That will only lead to more problems. You don’t have to be there, in fact I’d rather you weren’t. It’s a… filthy place. It’s where Jesse grew up. Where it all began. The Grot.”
“I know the place. A dealer my grandma hung out with always came around collecting money for bets when he had a fighter in a fight there.” Racketeering on a much smaller scale now that I know the extent to which it exists in the family. “You’re a smart man, Riley. There has to be another way.”
He cradles my face. “You’ll understand one day that there really is not. Until then, I hope you’ll be able to live with it.”
A lump lodges in my throat when I realize what this means. When I think about the repercussions—the end state and what will be gone if I can’t find a way to stop it. “Isn’t my life worth his? I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.”
“I would have found a way,” Riley says, but even I recognize the hesitation behind his eyes. He’s not sure if what he’s saying is true. “And that’s why he’s getting a fair chance out. You’re here.” He runs his thumb along my cheekbone. “It wasn’t just my idea, Drew. A fight was what the officers decided would be the fairest because of our history and how he came into our family.” I learned that the officers in the Astor family are leaders to some degree so there are checks and balances so one person never has full control to destroy the empire and all the jobs that go along with it.
I pull out of his grasp and turn so he can’t see the tears threatening. “I’m meeting Callie for breakfast,” I remind him. “I guess there’s nothing left to talk about if it’s been decided.”
“I know everything about our family has been hard for you to adjust to, and God knows I’ve fucked up in a million different ways, but I hope you’ll be on my side.”
Whipping my head, I meet his gaze. “I need a moment to process what this means. It’s not about sides. It’s never been about sides.” It’s about what each of them gives me separately. I brush past Riley because I don’t want to cry in front of him, and for the first time, I’m angry. He tries to hold my hand, but I pull away. “I want to be there,” I say. “You won’t keep me from the fight.”
He lets his hands hang by his side. He nods, but he doesn’t apologize. Now I know exactly what he’s saving it for.
Chapter Twenty-One
Drew
Pirelle twirls next to our booth atIn. It feels like I’m in a different time or on a different planet. A time from before. Even though I’m sharper and wiser, with way more baggage, the cloud follows me where I go. I’m back in the city with PACHA, the music is softer this time. I count these women as dear friends, not shiny, perfect people who seem unobtainable. Amy is talking about the new guy she’s seeing, and business is the last thing on anyone’s mind. It almost seems like a normal girl’s night out. The fact that we each have security flanking us from all angles, in every corner, and ordering our drinks, says otherwise. Reggie stays close to me, unable to give me more than six feet of space at any given moment. I asked him if it’s because of what Riley ordered or if it makes him feel better because of his guilt. He didn’t answer, too busy scanning the room for threats.
Avalyn hands me a drink that was handed to her by her security officer. I thank her and sip it. “Do you want something stronger?” she asks. “I have some party in my purse.”
I shake my head. “No thank you. This is all I need.” Hard drugs aren’t as common as one would think among the A Team or the family. I’ve seen powder here and there, but it’s never a dirty habit that turns humans into monsters like I remember from my childhood. “How are things going for you?” Everyone knows what happened to me, so I deflect, unwilling to talk about myself.
She sighs, her pretty lips puffing out. “Same old. You look beautiful tonight. Chaz really worked her magic.”
I chuckle. “It’s a wig.” A very blonde wig meant to conceal my identity, except anyone with half a brain, knows who I am, given who I’m surrounded by. “Riley wanted me to wear it.”
She winks. “Oh, for later. Barbie role play. I’m into that. Sounds like a blast.” Her laugh is a beautiful tinkle. I smile at the sound. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Drew. I still can’t believe what happened in Mexico. When Amy told us, it sounded like fiction. Please don’t hate me for bringing it up, but seeing you here, okay, it makes me so happy.” Actual tears form in her eyes, and I lean in to hug her. I inhale her sweet perfume.
“It takes a lot more than a sex trafficking ring to get rid of me.” I choke up, because with that memory comes another. “Jesse Astor is to thank.” At his name, Avalyn pulls away to look into my eyes. She swallows, and it looks painful as the thought of him is for all of us. The fight is tomorrow. We fly out in the morning. Riley didn’t try to stop me from coming out tonight, but he wasn’t happy. I told him he can’t lock me up here like he had to in Mexico.
“How nervous are you?” Avalyn’s voice cracks as she asks.
“It’s complicated,” I whisper, then drain my drink. I push my glass away. “I’m Riley’s consort.” I twist my bracelet. It’s dazzling under the low, strobing lights. I hold up my finger to order another drink. “I figure I shouldn’t be nervous. I should be… apathetic.”
“Do you love him?” Even though her voice is a whisper, Amy turns to hear my answer.
I shrug. “In a way. Even if he was using me, look what he gave me.” Waving an arm out, I gesture toward my friends. Callie didn’t come tonight. She’s home because it rattled Reggie to think about watching us both at the same time. Something they’re still trying to figure out. They’re in love, and he’s my main security and that won’t change until he takes his last breath. I meet Amy’s eyes. “Have you ever tried saving someone who doesn’t want to be saved—a person who is beating their fists against death’s door without reserve? That’s what loving Jesse feels like. It’s pointless when something inside him will always be stronger than the love he’s capable of offering.” I lose my breath as the sentiment hits home. “Do I love him?” A tear slips down my face. “I’m scared. That’s what I feel for Jesse. It’s paralyzing.”
Amy exhales deeply. She leans across Avalyn and takes me into her arms. “We all know what that’s like, Drew. We’re here for you.”
I cry, shoulders shaking, until my next drink arrives. PACHA is here for me. They take turns telling me funny or happy stories about Jesse, and I promise myself that I won’t let myself cry over Jesse Astor again. A sweet scent fills the air as I drink my next drink—losing count of how many I’ve had. Reggie leans over and whispers in my ear. He wants me to stop drinking.
“Is that an order from him?” I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but I’ve been angry with Riley. Never so outwardly, though.
“No, it’s an order from me. The person responsible for your life. The flight is at four a.m.”
I slur. “Oh, you sound like him.” Locking gazes with him, I tip my drink back and swallow all of it, then stand up to dance with Pirelle. She’s spinning like a pixie fairy and is excessively happy when I join in. I’m sweating when I finally decide I’m finished for the night. I tell a security guard, not mine, that I’m ready to leave. I almost expect an ambush or a fight, but nothing happens tonight. I tell my friends goodbye and tell Amy I will see her in the morning. I’m surrounded by men as we exit through the back door and Reggie pulls up in a black SUV. They load me in like I’m a package and head back for Riley’s.