The doorbell rang, but Caroline only sunk further down into the couch. It would be Gail, probably with Joy in tow, but she didn’t want to get into this right now. It needed to be straight in her head before she even considered telling her sister and best friend about the stupid decision she’d made last night. The decision to ask Eva how much she charged for a night together. God, how humiliating.
Caroline brushed a tear from her jaw, blowing out a calming breath. Would she always humiliate herself? Or would another woman continue to do that for her? The latter wasn’t possible, Caroline didn’t believe she could give her heart to another person for them to stomp all over it again, but she couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t happen in some other way.
“Are you just going to ignore my calls?” Gail appeared in the doorway, glaring at Caroline. “You know I hate using your spare key, but I had no choice.”
Caroline clenched her jaw, willing her tears to fade. “I didn’t want to see you yet.”
“Why? What went wrong?”
Caroline swallowed, pulling back the blanket and offering the other side of the couch to Gail. “Eva was lovely. So, that was something.”
“But?”
“I let myself get carried away. But that’s your fault for telling her she was to take me dancing!”
“I just told her what I knew you loved.” Gail placed a supportive hand on the blanket covering Caroline’s knees. Most days, she didn’t know what she would do without her best friend. She’d pulled her back from the brink more than once. “Did you enjoy it? Dancing?”
Caroline smiled weakly. As much as she’d loved it, she couldn’t get past what had followed. “I haven’t been dancing in years. Naomi wouldn’t allow it.”
“Yeah, well, now you have. And that bitch can’t stop you.”
Caroline understood where Gail’s hatred for her ex-wife came from, but Naomi wasn’t a bitch. She just…didn’t love Caroline. Never had, apparently. And Caroline wasn’t good enough for her, nor was anything she ever did. Then there were the clothes she chose to wear, the hairstyle, the makeup. How she cooked, what she cooked, the time it took. Her career, her friends and family, how much she earned, and whether she could be trusted to not blow it on day-to-day life. Yeah, Naomi really didn’t like Caroline very much at all.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”
Caroline cleared her throat. “No.”
“You were. When will you listen to me? When will you realise that Naomi said the things she did, behaved the way she did, just so she could put you down! Because she wanted to hurt you.”
“That’s got nothing to do with any of this. Eva was perfect. But then I made a complete tit of myself and asked her…” Caroline paused, bringing her hands up to her face. “Oh, God. I can’t even think about it.”
“You wanted more,” Gail said nonchalantly. “And that’s perfectly normal.”
“It doesn’t make it right, Gail.”
“You’re only human. And you deserve intimacy as much as the next person. I can’t say I would have thought it would be with an escort, but whatever floats your boat, love.”
“She told me her real name as I was leaving.”
“She did?” Gail quirked an eyebrow, crossing her legs at the ankles as she brought them up to rest on the coffee table. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” Caroline chose not to reveal her name. Hannah had shared something private with Caroline. It wasn’t necessary to reveal her true identity. “She asked if I wanted to leave the club. She was…God, she was just so seductive and—”
“It’s her job to be,” Gail cut in.
“I know that. But this was different. She asked what I’d do if we met and she wasn’t my escort.”
“And? What would you do?”
Caroline felt heat rising up her body. For the longest time, Caroline had craved the exact feeling she’d had last night. The want…the passion in another woman’s eyes as they looked in Caroline’s direction. “Oh, I don’t think I should say.”
Gail exhaled a long breath, resting her head back on the couch. She turned her head to Caroline, offering the smallest of smiles. “Did I make a huge mistake by booking her for you? Am I going to live to regret this?”
As much as Caroline wanted to call Hannah, to seek her out, she knew it wasn’t possible. A date was doable, but a relationship with her would be difficult to maintain. Throw in Caroline’s insecurities, and it was a disaster waiting to happen. “No. I won’t see her again.”
“Not even as an escort?”
Caroline swallowed down the emotion she felt rising. “Especiallynot as an escort.”