***SJ***
“Hey!SJ!Comequick!”Mazie ran out of her office, her smile as wide as I’d ever seen it. “There’s a new post on your blog!”
Another of her husbands, Vince, looked over at me. “Need help getting up?”
I pushed myself out of the patio chair and rolled my eyes. “Do some men think that as soon as a woman is knocked up, she’s just helpless? I’m not even two months. This baby is a bean. If I can’t get up now, I’m going to be in serious trouble in a few months.”
He grinned. “I can see the hormones are bigger than a bean.”
Laughing, I flipped him off before going to Mazie. I tried to look calm, but on the inside, I was freaking out. Still waiting for my guys to show up, I was a bundle of nerves. “Good news or bad news?”
She clapped her hands excitedly. “The best.”
The latest blog post was pulled up when I sat down and I saw that it’d been posted an hour earlier. There were five pictures uploaded, all from my journal, but not in my handwriting. I immediately knew the handwriting of each person.
When I said I’d find you, I meant it. There’s no place on this earth that I wouldn’t spend my savings and my life trying to reach for you, Sugar. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed smelling peaches while hugging you and taking an extra moment to think of you sitting with the sun shining down on you, making your eyes sparkle as you smile at me. I love you, Sugar. You already know that, though, don’t you? I think I fell in love with you the moment I read your blog. You made me want to try again. You made my marriage ending and everything that came after feel insignificant. I thought I had shit figured out and you blew in, smelling like peaches, and knocked me for a loop. It’s time to come home. You, the baby, Grandma, and anyone else you’ve collected with your magic. I love you.
Barrett Taylor (I want people to know who loves you.)
I wiped my eyes and laughed to myself with my heart thumping madly. I clicked the next picture and instantly choked out a sob. Holden.
You said you love me and then you ran away. You could really give a man a complex doing that sort of thing, tesorina. Luckily, I’m an amazing chef and have the cockiness that comes with that. Otherwise, I might’ve spent the last few days in a state of despair that I can’t recall ever having felt before. I’ve been loved before, I’m sure. The guys love me in their way. I think deep down my grandma loved me. When you told me, though, tesorina, it clicked that no one before you has ever told me. You fucking destroyed every wall I ever had and I love you for it. I love you. Even if you talk about other chefs’ food in ways that make me crazy. Even if you moaned when you ate that street taco from a random line cook. I love you. I’m ready to say it to your beautiful face. Let’s go home, Sugar.
Holden Notaro (Apparently, we’re signing our full names?)
Ugly sobs shook my body as I went back and forth between laughing and crying. I physically ached to see them. I’d dreamt of them every night and I could almost hear their voices around me, I was so lost.
Never have I ever known a woman who could simultaneously snap my controlandbring it into a pinpoint focus. Until you. Until you, I’d let my past experiences color my decisions. I let past shames dictate the way I lived. My desires were dark and dirty. I had a hard time understanding how they would ever work in a relationship. Until you, Sugar. You slipped so seamlessly into the darkness and brightened it. What I needed, you needed, but it isn’t dirty. You opened my eyes without trying and showed me that I can bring myself to a relationship that is still full of softness and fun. You make me laugh. Goddamn, do you also make me crazy. You never think about your own safety and I’ve personally seen you talk to so many strangers on the sidewalk in the city that I think I need to go on blood pressure medicine. You push me nonstop. You’re sassy and confident and you don’t back down. You’re no one’s submissive, yet you’re my pet. You give that to me. You showed me that what we do, how we love, has no shame. Love doesn’t deserve that. And what I feel for you, Sugar? It’s fucking love. It’s all-consuming and life-changing. It’s the kind of love that men fight andwinwars for. You’re coming home. You’re getting the spanking of a lifetime for leaving us. As long as it’s safe with the baby. And then you’re going to spend your life being fucking worshipped. I fucking love you, Sugar.
Dominic Rose (It’s just a thing now? Signing our whole name in a letter to the woman we love, like she doesn’t know it’s us? Thinks it’s herotherthree loves? I’m surrounded by fools and need my woman back.)
I blew my nose and pulled my shirt up to wipe my eyes. They loved me. They all loved me. They wanted me home, no matter what. My heart felt so full that I had to rub at my chest, the ache real. I needed them and I could barely see the final two journal entries through the tears I was crying. When I did read them, that’s when I really fell apart.
Your dad and I are here when you’re ready to talk. We both have a lot to apologize for and hope that we’ll see you soon. I’m so happy for you, SJ. As a woman who married an older man, I know some of the judgements you’ll receive and I’m here if you’d like to talk. I can tell you a lot of ways to not treat any stepkids. I read your blog, SJ. It’s amazing. I’m sorry I didn’t know that sooner. Your dad is a mess and he has a lot he wants to say, but his writing is absolute garbage. It’s clear you got your talent from your mother. Talk soon, I hope. We love you, SJ.
Reba (…Fine.) Doone-Sawyer
SJ, I don’t know where to start. I have a million things to say to you, but I don’t want to push you into talking to me until you’re ready. I know what I did was so fucked up and terrible. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I hate myself right now, SJ. This is worse than the time I dated that guy you liked and I really thought I hated myself then. I’m still hurt that you didn’t talk to me about Dad, but after seeing how I reacted to the news, I can’t say I don’t understand you not wanting to tell me. I’m just so sorry for everything. I miss you. I can’t plan a wedding without you. I won’t. Mike understands. I’m also really sorry I let you sit next to Joey at the dinner. That was mean of me. And I’m sorry for the time I borrowed that pink skirt and lost it. And I’m sorry for cutting your hair that one time we were playing dress-up as kids. God, I’m just so sorry, SJ. You’re my best friend and I don’t know what I’ll do without you if you can’t forgive me.
The guys hate me. As they should. Holden especially seems to want to strangle me. They’re not letting me show up tonight. They’re already hogging you and if we can get past what I’ve done to our friendship, I’m going to need them to know that sometimes I get you just to myself. Even now, they’re breathing down my neck, telling me to hurry it up. How do you deal with them? They also cringe every time I cry, SJ. Are you sure you want them?
Only kidding. Sort of. In case you missed it, the guys should be there by the time you’re reading this. And I’m in the hotel, if you want to see me later…I’d like to congratulate you in person.
Samantha (The world’s worst best friend, but hopefully slightly better new stepdaughter. Get it? Wait. You’ll be my stepmom and you’ll be having my brother or sister. Jesus. Thanks for making the family tree fucked. I love you. Go and find your men. One of whom is my father. Gross.) Taylor (for now)
61
***Holden***
IneverimaginedI’dpropose, period. If I had imagined it, I was sure I’d never have imagined doing it in the middle of a group of giddy senior citizens. I wasn’t sure giddy was the right word. Horny might’ve fit better. I’d had my ass pinched twice already. If Sugar didn’t get her sweet ass out of that office and into my arms soon, I was going to have to widen the circle around us so I could keep wandering hands off of me.
As I stood there, it occurred to me that I was thinking about randy old people. I had no nerves, no panic over walking into a marriage so soon after being with Sugar. I felt nothing but peace at knowing I was going to be asking her to marry me soon. It was right. She was ours and we wanted to make it official.
I looked over at Barrett and saw him smiling to himself as he adjusted his tie. “Weird, isn’t it?”
He smiled wider. “What?”
“Not feeling an ounce of nerves over something this huge. You swore off marriage ever again and here you are. I swore I’d never do love in general and here I am. Dominic, you gave up on finding someone who fit every part of you and here you are. Life has a funny way of showing you that you know nothing.”