I bit my lip as I grinned back at him. Everyone laughed along, unaware of the tension brewing between certain members of the party. I’d done my job to make my exit as easy as possible.
I stopped between Mike and Sam. “I’m so happy for both of you. You deserve to be grossly happy for the rest of your lives and this is just the beginning of that.”
Mike gave me a big hug and Sam squeezed me while speaking low so only I could hear. “You have so much explaining to do.”
Holden held out his arm to me and smiled. “Care to stop for tapioca pudding?”
54
***Holden***
“We’renotactuallygoingto set up a sex call for your grandma, are we?” I drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Sugar’s thigh.
“No, she’s had that set up for ages. I just…I needed out.” She sagged into the seat and turned her head to face me. “Can we stay at your house tonight?”
I nodded. “They’ll come for you either way.”
She laced our fingers together. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“That’s not how this works, tesorina.” I was frustrated by how the night had gone, too, but we were a team. “You can’t shut one, or two, of us out. I know you’re upset. You have every right to be after that disaster. We’re all in, all together, though. Right?”
“He was just letting her touch him and flirt with him, Holden.” Emotion filled her voice. “Neither of them stood up for me. She brought my mother into it and no one did a thing.”
I shifted, uncomfortable with all of our actions. “I think we’re in a slightly difficult spot, Sugar. I don’t think any of us know what to do right now. We’re not out together, at your request. It’s something you’re specifically wanting hidden from Sam, so it’s hard to know what to do. If we came to your side like we wanted to, the entire restaurant and the street outside would’ve known we’ve spent a significant amount of time inside you. Our feelings are clear if we show them at all.”
She was silent for a few minutes, staring out the window. Finally, she sighed. “You’re right, of course. I just felt smaller than I’ve ever felt, Hold. I felt so alone and out of place. Sam’s angry at me and y’all couldn’t be there with me. Then fucking Joey tried to shake me to death.”
I laughed and then tried to cover it with a cough. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I just can’t get the image out of my head. It happened so fast. By the time Dominic got to his feet to help, it was over. Mike’s family has some really stupid branches.”
“It felt like it lasted forever. God. I’ll probably be covered in bruises.” She giggled. “So stupid. He literally shook my boob out of my bra.”
I groaned. “Oh, I know. I saw. If it makes you feel better, that part was kind of sexy.”
“Shut up.”
“You’re not alone, Sugar. Even when you thought you were tonight, you weren’t. I never took my eyes off you.” I stroked her wrist and smiled when she held my hand tighter. “It’s something we’ll work on. As soon as Sam knows, things will be different. You’re going to beg us to give you space.”
“I don’t want space from you. I’m scared right now. I have all these things in my head…Dad’s words, Sam’s words. Now I even have Maggie’s voice in my head, decimating me. I’ve never felt wrong for being with all three of you. I’m a confident woman and I know who I am, or more importantly, who I’m not.”
She exhaled slowly and then sucked in a fast breath like she just had to get everything out. “All at once lately, I feel like I’m getting hit from every direction. I’ve heard some terrible things used to describe me and I’m just starting to wonder if I’m not seeing whatever everyone else is. And then I wonder if y’all will even stay. If I’m all these things, why would you?”
I growled, my anger at the people in her life building. “You’re a ray of fucking sunshine, Sugar. Whoever says differently doesn’t know you. You…”
“What?”
“You make me happy.” I forced the words out. “When you walk into a room, I feel like the lights have finally come on after I was struggling to see in the dark for too long. Do you get that? That’s you. Your heart, your spirit, your sweet giggle. You are my tesorina, my precious little treasure.”
She sniffed and had a grip on my hand that was shockingly strong. “Holden?”
I took our exit off the Beltway and looked over at her. “Sugar?”
“I love you.” She faced me completely. “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know. I realized tonight at dinner. Right before I choked on the olive, actually. I think I already knew, but I know now. No doubts. I love you.”
My tires threw gravel when I slammed on the brakes just off the shoulder of the highway. I yanked off my seat belt and threw the truck into park before reaching for her. My heart pounded in my chest, hard enough that I was sure she’d hear it. Pulling her into my lap, I didn’t register that I’d knocked a turn signal on, put her ass on the horn, or had my foot pushing into the accelerator. Nothing mattered but her.
I kissed her hard, holding her hair in my fists like I was afraid she’d float away if I wasn’t careful. She moaned against my lips and clutched at my shirt. It was frenzied and desperate, but never moved past kissing. I just needed to taste her mouth after she’d said those words to me. It was the first time I’d ever heard them from a woman in my life. Or anyone.
Sugar seemed to understand that. She whispered them against my lips over and over, giving herself to me and filling me until I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. Still, she held my head and pressed her lips over every inch of my face, her soft voice always caressing me with words I’d never imagined would have the power to bring me to my knees.