I could feel Dominic move closer. His body radiated energy that scorched me as he sat on the coffee table behind me. I buried my head farther into Holden’s neck, unwilling to face him yet. I wasn’t sure if I was still mad at him or not. He confused me the most.
Holden didn’t give me much of a choice when he shifted me on his lap so I was facing Dominic. “No hiding from any of us, Sugar.”
The look of frustration and hurt on Dominic’s face made my breath catch in my throat. I watched him run his hands through his hair and noticed he had ink all over his hands. He didn’t seem to notice, or care. It was hard to see him look out of sorts when he was always so put together, especially knowing it was my fault.
“This isn’t working the way we’ve been doing it.” Dominic shook his head and blew out a deep breath. “Doing this your way, agreeing to not do it while still doing it? It’s bullshit.”
Barrett grunted. “I wouldn’t use those words, but he’s right, Sugar. Pretending this isn’t happening when it clearly is isn’t working.”
“The only way this goes forward is if we make clear what this is and we all agree. If we’d done that from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had to second-guess us this week when we got busy. You’d have known how we feel and what we want. That’s our fault. It’s my fault for starting something intense without guidelines and boundaries. I’m sorry for not making my intentions clear with you.”
I chewed on my lip hard and tried to take in everything he was saying. I kept waiting for him to say he was done, though, and it was making it hard.
“To be very clear, Sugar, I want everything.” Dominic rested his elbows on his knees and held my gaze. “It’s all or nothing. I can see now that the middle ground isn’t healthy for anyone. Your feelings were hurt because we weren’t clear on our side, and then you acted out to try and figure out your standing. That’s not good for either of us and I don’t want to do that to myself, Barrett, Holden, or you. I want clarity.”
Panic grew in my chest. I hadn’t expected that. I hadn’t expected him to demand I jump in with both feet.
After just a few weeks, I’d already lost my mind when I thought they were finished with me. I knew that if I consciously walked into something with them, eyes wide open, I’d chance losing myself to them. Dominic would own every last part of me that he wanted to. Then what? Holden and Barrett would have the same hold over me. How would I walk out the other side?
“It’s up to you entirely, Sugar. Just so we’re clear, though? I want this. I want you. Today, I want nothing more than to spank you until you can’t sit for a week and then put you in a corner somewhere. Despite that, though, I wouldn’t walk away from you unless you want me to. I want to spoil you and take care of you. I also want to spank you and make you squirm until you curse me because I won’t let you come. I want everything. All of it. None of the doubts and wondering. I want to know that you’re in it and I want you to know I’m in it. I’m not doing anything less than everything.”
With my heart racing, I sat up straighter on Holden’s lap. “But what about Sam? What about what she would say or feel if she found out?”
Barrett made a noise of frustration. “Sam and I have had a hard relationship since her mom and I divorced. Mistakes were made by both parties involved and Samantha ended up hearing too much. She’s my daughter and I love her with my entire being. I’d do anything for her. I have done everything for her.
“She’s an adult now, though. She’s living her life and I want to live mine. Even if it’s not the choice she’d make for me, maybe. I’ll deal with Sam. Just like you will. You two have been best friends forever. She’s not one to hold a grudge, and the less time we hide everything from her, the less she’ll have to get over.”
I fanned my face. “You want totellher?”
“Everything, Sugar.” Dominic met my gaze again. “You can’t hide from your desires, Sugar. I tried for a long time. It doesn’t work. You have to live for yourself and do what you want. Denying yourself because you think it’s the right thing to do is a really sorry way to live.”
44
***SJ***
“Idon’tknow.”Istared back at Dominic and shook my head when I saw his jaw set. “No, don’t do that. I just…I need time. I need to think.”
He held out his hands. “It’s up to you, Sugar. It’s just unhealthy for us to stay in this middle ground. We want you. If you don’t want us, that’ll fucking suck, but we’ll deal with it. You have a job here, no matter what.”
I clutched at my chest at the rate that things were moving. I held out my hands to him and tried to think of what I could say to make him stay. “I just need a minute. Please, Dom.”
“You don’t need to answer us right now.” He stood up and walked back toward his desk. “I don’t mean to put pressure on you, Sugar. I just can’t have today happen again. I don’t enjoy being shouted at, but mostly, I don’t want to see you hurting. If we’re not what you need, that’s okay.”
Holden grunted when I flew out of his lap. “No, it’s fine. I didn’t need that dick.”
I ran after Dominic and threw my arms around him from behind. “I do want this. I want all of you. I do! I want it more than I’ve ever wanted any relationship I even thought of having. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m just…I’m scared.”
He made a pained sound. “Of what, pet? What could hurt you when you have us willing to fight any battle you may ever have?”
I held him tighter. “You can’t make Sam not hate me. You can’t make me not hate myself if I hurt her.WhenI hurt her.”
He turned to face me and the openness I saw in his expression shocked me. I read his thought as if he’d said it out loud.What about when you hurtus?“You have to make the choice, Sugar.”
Holden pressed a kiss to the side of my head and sighed. “I hate agreeing with him when he’s like this, but he’s right. I don’t know shit from shit about relationships, but I know that it would make me happy to know that you were in this. If I’m doing this, I need reassurance. I need to know that I’d have you there to figure it out with me. More than that, I think you need to know that you have us. Just because I’m lost in a kitchen for a while doesn’t mean I’m not yours. If you want me, I mean.”
Barrett stroked my hair and cupped the back of my neck. “We’re all in. For a man who declared himself happily single for the rest of his life after an ugly divorce, I know a little bit about fear. I’m here, though. I think you’re worth the chance.”
“If you decide you want to jump in, come by the house tonight.” Dominic stepped back and let my arms fall away from him. “Eight. If you don’t come, there won’t be hard feelings, Sugar. We’ll respect you and your decision.”