I put Demon down and nodded hard enough to make myself wobble. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. We need a plan.”
Jayden pulled out his phone and squinted at it. “Let’s all message her.”
“A bigger plan!”
I high-fived Adam. “Yeah! It’s time for a big, giant plan. The plan to end all running away. The plan that leads to marriage and babies.”
They both stared at me with their mouths open.
“Fuck. Sorry. Didn’t mean to say that part out loud. The wedding and baby talk tonight must’ve gotten to my head.” I looked away, but when I looked back at them, they were grinning. “Ah! You fuckers. You want babies, too! Little bitches.”
There was a bout of laughter and more embarrassing tears, and the whiskey disappeared at some point. It didn’t occur to us how truly smashed we were until we woke up the next morning next to a piece of cardboard with “Ideas” scribbled across the top. The only thing written under it was “throat punch a donkey”. None of us remembered what that meant, and that was probably best.
40.
***Violet***
TosayIwokeup on Christmas morning would’ve been a stretch. To call what I did the night before sleeping would’ve been a joke. I’d stayed in the hotel and managed to have the front desk called on me twice for crying too loudly. I’d closed my eyes a few times, and I thought I might’ve been unconscious, but I wasn’t sure. The night was just a blur of pain and anger. The anger was good. With the anger came the desire to stop blowing up my life. The anger just wasn’t big enough. The pain was consuming and oppressive. It didn’t leave room for much else.
I took a shower alone for the first time in nearly a month, cried a little more, pulled on clothes without looking, cried a little more, and then walked out of my room. I wasn’t sure what time I needed to be in Rose’s suite to get ready, but I found myself going in her direction anyway. I also had a small mental breakdown halfway across the hotel when I witnessed a man propose to a woman right in front of me.
It took an hour for me to get to Rose’s door. I felt like I was moving through quicksand with every step. The only thing that caused even a spark of a reaction in me was hearing Rose’s voice from inside. I could be there for her on her big day. I just had to channel my pain into making sure her day was perfect.
I knocked on the door and was greeted by a twin sister who looked remotely similar to me for the first time ever. Her eyes were swollen and red just like mine. We even had matching red noses and deep frowns. She grabbed my arms and pulled me inside.
“Oh, Violet!” She draped herself over me and sobbed, her body shaking violently as she let everything out. “Howcouldthey?”
I looked around the suite and saw that a few of her other bridesmaids were standing around awkwardly. I pulled out my room key and tossed it their way. “Go to my room. Rose and I need to talk.”
Rose collapsed on a beautiful velvet couch and managed to look like a renaissance painting. “They investigated Anthony! Why would they do that? I thought they thought he was great. They acted like he was great! I mean, heisgreat, right? Why don’t they think he’s great, Violet?”
I swallowed my own emotions and centered myself. I would just handle Rose’s issues, and mine could be handled much later. “They told you they had him investigated?”
She screamed. “No! I overheard them yelling at you last night.”
Shame threatened to choke me, but I forced myself to keep breathing. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, Rose. I only found out a couple of weeks ago. And Ian told me that he found absolutely nothing on Anthony. Anthony’s great, Rosie. You know that.”
“Don’t apologize, Violet. I heard what they said to you, too. How could they treat you like that? And Dad making his speech some vile insult to you? That wasn’t even aboutme, at my rehearsal dinner!” She tugged at her hair and stood up. “I want to call the wedding off. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it, Vi. I thought everything was great and perfect, but it’s not. It’s not perfect at all!”
A bitter laugh escaped my mouth, and the anger I hadn’t been able to hold onto the night before was suddenly very present. “It’s notperfect?”
Rose paced. “I thought it was, Vi. It was all perfect. But they didn’t trust him. What does that mean?”
“God, Rose! It means they’re a couple of douchebags who managed to wrongbothof their daughters. Nothing more, nothing less. You can’t seriously be willing to throw away your wedding because of this.”
“It’s supposed to be perfect! Everything is supposed to be perfect!” Her screams were full of pain, and the pain was so familiar, even if nothing else was.
I choked back sobs and shook out my hands, trying to stay in control. “I’ve spent every day of my life living next to perfect, Rosie. But it looks like perfect is just as fucked up as me.”
She gaped at me for several seconds before a broken laugh shook her. “I know it’s rude to say, but I don’t feel that fucked up.”
I gave her a pointed look. “You’re going to ruin your life because Mommy and Daddy didn’t think your boyfriend was perfect, Rose.”
“You don’t get it, Vi! They never… They never questioned a single decision I made. Why is this the one they questioned? What if it means something? What if—”
“What if we both stopped living under their shadow and asked ourselves whatwewant?” I shook my hair out and roughed it up. “What if I stopped caring about flattening my hair around them? What if I stopped wearing the boring dresses they like? What if I showed off my tattoos and showed the family my dick-shaped candles? What if you didn’t give a fuck if they like Anthony?”
She just stared back at me.