“I don’t know,” she says. “I’m not—”
“Phoenix...I love you,” I cut in. My voice is gruffer than I intended and I want to swallow the words back up, but they’re out there now, and I mean them.
She leans back and grins. “I know.”
“Say you love me, little thief.” When she doesn’t answer, I glare at her. “Say it.”
“I’ll wait. It’ll give us a good reason to find each other again.”
I lean down and kiss her neck softly. “Okay,” I say. “I can live with that.”
We stand just outside of the front door, holding hands. In my free hand, I hold the empty gas container. I watch as Phoenix lights a match and bends down to touch it to the gas. The trail we made ignites into a sudden burst of flames, catching the trail and speeding toward the house in a hot-tongued frenzy. The curtains catch first and then the furniture. We watch in silence as the flames lap over the beautiful wood floors and head for the stairs. Phoenix doesn’t close her eyes, not even once. I wouldn’t have been able to watch something I love burn to the ground, but she stands there—shoulders squared, chin up—and takes it all in with boldfaced resolution.
“Phoenix,” I say, unable to tear my eyes away from her. “I’m sorry.”
I hear her sigh before her head swivels to look at me. “Don’t be. My grandfather would agree with what I’m doing. He’d sacrifice a thousand houses to do the right thing.”
“We have to get out of here,” I say. It hurts me to say it because getting out of here means I have to say goodbye to Phoenix, goodbye with no idea of whether we’ll ever have another hello.
She throws her arms around my neck, and I clutch her against me hard.
“Come with me,” she says.
“You’re someone of interest to them, Phoenix. I’m someone they own. If I leave with you, they’ll launch a Regionwide search. We’ll be caught before we get out of the Blue. They won’t let another End Man slip from their grasp that easily.”
She nods, biting back tears. “I know,” she says. “I just…”
“—This will end one day. I’ll get to you. Wait for me.”
She smiles, shaking her head, her ponytail bouncing from side to side. “I’ll try. I have a real solid thing for Aries.”
I scowl at her and she grips my face between her palms.
“I love you,” she says, kissing me. “You’re the reason.”
“The reason for what?” I ask when she lets go and starts to back up.
She smiles at me mischievously.
“The reason for what, Phoenix? Why do you do that?”
She lifts a hand in a little wave and darts toward the car.
It should make me feel like the luckiest man alive because that’s what I am if Phoenix Moyo loves me, but instead, it fills me with such dread, I stagger back as she pulls out of the driveway. When I see the taillights moving down the street, I bend over and get sick in the grass.
Phoenix and Gwen aren’t the only ones who have work to do. Maybe they’re rubbing off on me, maybe I’m bored, but Kasper, Marcus, Foley, and Selfice are still missing. I have my own problem: there hasn't been a pregnancy in the Blue in six weeks. No doubt they’re coming for me next. I know that I can’t sit back and do nothing while everyone I love is doing something.
I get in the car and the engine hums to life. I rub a hand across my chest, wondering what I last ate. I have terrible heartburn; the ache in my chest is almost unbearable. I can hear Phoenix’s voice in my head:That’s not heartburn, you idiot, that’s sadness…
THIRTY-THREE
JACKAL
Female hyenas have a clitoris that’s so long it’s sometimes mistaken for a penis.
When I get back to the compound, extra cars are parked in the side lot. I nearly turn around and go anywhere else...this can’t be good. I decide to be a man and face this—if anything, maybe I can be a distraction again for Phoenix. The longer they focus on me, the less they can focus on her. I climb out of the car, my shoes crunching on the gravel.
Betsy is standing just inside the gate and rushes to me, taking me by the elbow.