“I wasn’t purposely trying to keep this from either of you,” Gio finally spoke, addressing me and Amara. “But I’d be lying if I didn't admit that if I could have, I would have.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say for a moment, before finally gathering my thoughts. “I wish you had told us. I wanted to be there for you.”
“We both would’ve been there for you.” Amara spoke then and took a step closer, brushing away Nikolai’s arm when he tried to stop her.
Gio cleared his throat and nodded, but he wouldn’t look at us. “Growing up”—he paused, then cleared his throat again—“Father was…”
His brows pulled low, and I could see he was sifting through the memories of his childhood. I’d seen our father beat Gio, degrade and demean him. It had all been in the guise of “toughening him up for the Cosa Nostra life.”
And no matter how strong my brother was, how invincible I'd always seen him as, that abuse had obviously left massive scars not only on the outside but also the inside. God, it was heartbreaking that the men in our world, in these corrupt organizations, had been bred and shaped to be the way they were. It was such a vicious cycle.
“The things Father made me do, the situations I witnessed, it’s forever a part of me.” His shoulders bunched. “I did a lot of fucked-up shit.” I felt the tension in the room increase. But thankfully Nikolai and Dmitry kept their mouths shut. “And I’m forever fucked up because of it.” He looked at us again.
I would have hoped to see some kind of break in his emotions after baring his soul the way he had, but our brother was like a brick wall. Steel on one side, barbed wire on the other.
“I fucking like it. You understand, sisters?”
My breath caught, and I nodded, understanding.
“And fighting… it helps me unleash all that hate I have inside of me. It’ll never go away. So I fucking embrace it.” He held his hands out, palms up, as he stared at them. “These hands have killed many people. They’ve been covered in blood, helped bury bodies, and tortured people.”
Nausea rose in me. I didn’t want to hear these things, but in the same breath I did, because I could see he wanted us to know. It was a weight that was finally being lifted from him.
“Fighting has been my dark, messed up therapy for a long time. But I feel relief that both of you know what I do.” He ran a hand over his sweaty, bloody face. “And I won’t lie and say I didn’t fight in Desolation because I wanted to be closer to my sisters. With both of you so far away, it was fucking hard on me.”
All the men in this room had the same evil and demons in them. And all they needed was the love of a woman to help ease their suffering. I wanted that for my brother, and would pray to whatever higher power would listen that he’d be given that.
And then, before I knew what I was doing, I was walking toward Gio and throwing my arms around his waist. I rested my forehead on the center of his chest and murmured how much I loved him.
“You’re so strong. You’ve always been so strong for us because you were the best big brother anyone could ask for.” I was crying, my throat tight as all this emotion rose in me. “You were a good son, and I’m sorry Father and Mother never saw that. I’m sorry they hurt you.” I tightened my arms around him. “I’ll never leave your side.”
Amara came over too, and I made room for our sister to wrap her arms around him. “I love you, fratellone. We’re family and we love you. You’re not alone.”
It didn’t matter what he did or who he was. We’d always be family. We’d always have each other.
My face was streaked with tears when I pulled away. Gio cupped one of my cheeks and did the same with Amara with his other hand.
The corner of his mouth lifted in the only smile Gio usually gave. But it was genuine. He heard us. He believed us.
“La mia famiglia.”
But I didn’t miss how, after he murmured those words, his gaze lifted and locked on Tatiana.
There was definitely a story there, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know it.
Chapter 44
Tatiana
I found myself back at Butcher and Son an hour after I’d left with my brothers.
Sneaking off and not letting the guards Dmitry and Nikolai had stationed at my apartment took some skill. But over the years I’d learned their schedules and how to sneak out with no one knowing.
They either didn’t think there was an actual threat to me, that I would just blindly follow their rules because of who my brothers were, or they were lazy as hell.