I shrug. Saying it sounds pathetic. I sound pathetic. “In case you didn’t want me, anymore. In case you left me. You weren’t answering my calls. Bill told me that you three were moving. I figured, if you decided to up and leave, I’d lose all of you, and Cami, and a job, and like, most of my friends. I had to have a backup plan.”
“Why would you jump to that conclusion?” Sebastian snaps. Irritation flares back up in me.
“Why do you think?” I practically growl. “What fuckingmassive life eventhave I been through thatmight possiblylead me to the conclusion thatno one actually ever fucking wants me?”I push my hair back with shaking hands.“I’m not being insecure, I’m beinglogical.I’ve been rejected by every family I’ve ever had. I…” I swallow hard, choking into silence.
“What?” Cyrus mumbles into my stomach. He sounds pained. “You what, Bethie?”
“I went to see my birth mum,” I admit, and he groans. “And my grandma. I just felt so lonely. And they were the only family I had.” A dry sob bursts from my throat. “Th-they told me to piss off. My mum has a husband. They have kids. They’re only a few years younger than me, for God’s sake. And she lovesthem. She loves them to death, but she won’t even let me step onto the property.”
Cyrus burrows closer. “Beth—”
I wipe my cheeks. “I wasn’t asking to call hermum.I didn’t want money. I didn’t want her to treat me like her child. I just wanted to talk to her. To… learn about my family. I—” My hand floats to my stomach. “This thing that I have, it’s genetic. And I don’t know, because even though she’s forty years old, she still refuses to come to terms with the fact thatI’m her child.She could’ve told me, and I would’ve frozen my eggs. She’s had more than enough time. But she didn’t.” I swallow thickly. “And my grandma. She said that she tried to love me, but she couldn’t. That I was an insufferable child. And…” I trail off, my breath hiccuping in my chest, and bury my face in my hands. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “It just gotloud.I’m sorry.”
“Sugar.” And then Cyrus is holding me. “Oh my God. Baby.” He nuzzles into my neck. “You couldn’t tell us?”
“I tried. I called so many times, and you were always busy. And…” I lick my lips. “It’s hard for me. To keep calling. I’ve done it before. Hundreds of times, when I was a kid. I hung on to foster parents like a starving dog begging for treats. Now that I’m older, I know what it means. I’ve been rejected by everyone that I ever wanted to love me.” I look up at Sebastian, tears streaming down my face. “So, I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m sorry I thought about moving. I didn’t know what else to do.”
Sebastian’s silent for a moment, his eyes tight. Very slowly, he hands Cami to Jack, then turns back to me. “You,” he says quietly, “are so dumb.”
“Wh-what?” I choke.
“We’re trying to comfort her, stop insulting her,” Cy mutters. Seb shakes his head.
“You’redumb,” he insists, dropping to his knees in front of the sofa and reaching for me. His lips crush against mine, and I gasp as he kisses me hard, his hands coming to thread in my greasy, gross hair. It’s a desperate kiss, full of pain and longing and fear. I quiver underneath him.
“We love you,” he says, pulling back to look me in the eyes. “Ilove you. We’re not going anywhere without you.”
“What?” I whisper, my heart pounding. “But you’re moving.”
Seb nods, stroking back my curls. “We want you to move with us. We need someplace bigger. You can have your own bedroom. We’d have space for Cami. A proper kitchen, so we can all sit and eat together. A garden. We don’t want to raise this baby in a bachelor pad. We haven’t started looking at houses yet; we were going to do it with you, when we got home. But the landlord was asking for rent, so we warned him in advance that we might not be living here for the next three months. That’s it.”
I can’t breathe. I’m still crying. “You’re n-not going?”
He touches our foreheads together, his eyes burning fiercely into mine. “We’re not goinganywherewithout you. As long as you want us, you’re part of this family.” He kisses me again. “Welove you,” he repeats fiercely.
“I can’t believe you were scared to tell us,” Cyrus whispers. I look up at him. His brown eyes are shiny.
I cup his cheek. “Jesus. No. Don’tcry.”
“You were hurting so much. All alone.” He grabs my hand, squeezing. “Baby.None of us want to leave you. I can’t even imagine a life without you.”
Jack shifts, passing Cami to me. “Please don’t leave us,” he says quietly. “We need you. She needs you.”
I look down at Cami in my arms. She’s nestled herself happily inside my boobs, mouthing at my t-shirt. My throat burns with tears.
“No one’s ever needed me,” I whisper. “Not once in my life.”
All three men groan simultaneously. I take a deep, shaky breath and look between each of them. “I love you,” I say. It’s the first time I’ve said those words in years. “All of you. I love you.”
“We love you too, Bethie.” Cy whispers, kissing frantically down the crook of my neck. “We love you. Love you, love you, love you.”
“So much,” Jack adds. “Please don’t move to Bristol. We’ll miss you so much we’ll have to follow you. I don’t wanna live in Bristol.”
Seb gives me one last kiss, his lips lingering on mine. “You’re our family now,” he murmurs, and my heart just about breaks. “You belong with us.”
Sixty-Seven
Beth