The rest of the day passes quickly.
Cami goes for her nap, and the guys help me fix up my flat. I insist that they don’t need to, but they won’t take no for an answer, so in the end I just give up and pitch in. Together, we get my place cleaned and hoovered. The trash is taken out and all of my dirty sheets and clothes are taken down to the laundromat. Cyrus even nips out to the local shop and buys enough food to stock my fridge. It’s so sweet I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m not used to people looking after me. I’m not used to people seeing that I’m struggling, and stepping in to help.
While the guys make lunch, I take a thirty-minute shower. I wash my hair for the first time in ten days. Shave. Moisturise. When I get out, Jack has made us soup and coffee and toasties. By mid-afternoon, we’re all sprawled on the boys’ sofa, curled up together, and I feel halfway human again.
The boys are all glued to me. I’m sitting in Seb’s lap; Jack is pressed against my left side, and Cy is positioned on my right, one hand planted possessively on my thigh. I don’t think I could pay them to let go of me.
Not that I mind. I feel like a wilting plant that’s being watered for the first time in weeks. Every little kiss and caress is refuelling me, soothing the panicky voice at the back of my head screaming ‘You’ll never have a family. No one loves you. No one ever has, and no one ever will.’
I shake my head hard and bury my face in Jack’s shoulder. He looks down at me, then starts to stroke my hair, his expression blank. I reach for his hand, but he pulls it gently away, turning back to the TV.
As per our agreement,Love Islandis currently playing, with the volume turned way down. We all watch two very attractive people making out sloppily on screen.
“Ew,” Cyrus comments. “Is he kissing her or licking out the inside of a crisp packet?”
Seb stands, going to check on Cami’s cot. “She’s still asleep,” he says. “Should we wake her up?”
“Did she sleep on the plane?” I mumble into Jack’s hoodie. All three men laugh.
“She’s barely slept since we’ve been away,” Cy says. “She hated it out there. Nothing we could do would settle her.” He glances at the cot. “Five minutes here, and she’s out like a light.”
“She must feel really safe here,” I note. Sebastian heads into the kitchen and opens a cupboard, but I don’t miss the hopeless, dopey smile that spreads across his face.
Cyrus lolls his head against me. “So what about your no-relationship pact? Is it finally over? Please say it’s over.”
I nod slowly. “I decided to stop having relationships because they always made me feel like I had to change myself. But I’ve never really felt like I had to change myself for you guys.”
“Apart from when I shouted at you,” Seb mumbles, rattling through glassware. I shake my head.
“That was different. I was more worried about my job, and you sending Cami away.” I examine my jagged nailbeds. “I think honestly, in all my past relationships, I was terrified my partner was going to leave me. It was some kind of subconscious effort to make him stay. If I could be the perfect girlfriend, he wouldn’t leave.” I look around at the three men. “But I never felt the urge to do it with you.”
“You never felt like we were going to leave you,” Cyrus practically purrs, his happiness rumbling loudly out of his chest.
“No. At least, not until you went to America. And by then it was too late.” I lick my lips. “You’ve never really made me feel insecure. I knew that you liked me for how I was.”
“Good,” Seb says, clunking glasses on the counter. Cyrus rumbles even louder, beaming like the Cheshire Cat.
Jack stays quiet, focussing on the telly. I watch his fingers tapping a frenetic beat against the sofa arm. His whole body is tight with tension. He’s upset about something, and I think I know what.
I nudge him. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
He blinks. “What. Why?”
“You didn’t get to have your meeting with that guy. I’m assuming you can’t reschedule? Video chat, or something?”
He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Hamish isn’t really a guy who reschedules. You make time for him, not the other way around.”
“Which is why we should all be thankful that he didn’t hire you,” Cyrus says. “If he won’t even reschedule a meeting when he’s bloody courting you, what do you think working for him will be like?” He nods at Cami’s cot. “You’re not a bachelor anymore. We have a kid now. A girlfriend. Do you want to be working overtime every evening, waking up in the middle of the night to check your email, and completely ignoring your own family? Why the Hell would you want to tie yourself to a guy whorefuses to hire women,because he’s scared they’ll get pregnant and ask for maternity leave?” He flicks the back of Jack’s head, making the blonde wince. “I think you dodged a bullet with that idiot.”
“Even so,” I say, “you must be disappointed. I know you were excited about him being interested in your stuff.”
Jack stares at me. “Beth, if I cared about the job, I would’ve stayed in New York while the others flew back, and caught the next flight out. But I couldn’t.” I don’t say anything. “Icouldn’t,” he repeats. “I couldn’t sit in a fucking dinner meeting, knowing you were hurting. Ihadto be here with you. Ihadto see you myself.” He shakes his head. “I’m not upset aboutHamish Cavendish.I’m upset atmyself.”
“What? Why?”
He sighs. “This is my fault. I didn’t answer your texts. I pushed you away for weeks up until the launch. I argued against you coming to America. I extended our trip out there. No wonder you thought we’d abandoned you. Ididabandon you.” He presses his lips together so hard they turn white. “I’m sorry. I never meant to put my job before you. I was just worried that I wouldn’t be able to focus if you came with us to the convention. It’s the biggest thing that’s ever happened in my career, and I was terrified I’d screw it up. I was an ass.”
“Jack, this wasn’t your fault. It was just a really shit situation. None of us could’ve predicted it.”