Max shudders against me, his body convulsing with the last spasms of his orgasm as I tremble with the final aftershocks of mine, and as he holds me there against the wall, I feel tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes.
Slowly, very slowly, he sets me down. I feel his cock slip from my body, and the resulting hollowness makes my eyes fill with hot tears. I grab for my pants, watching out of my periphery as Max tucks himself away and zips himself up, and pain lances through my chest.
“It doesn’t need to be like this,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself as I lean back against the wall, still trembling. I can feel the heat of him between my thighs, and I want him all over again,moreof him, more and more, as if I could ever get enough. “We don’t have to keep doing this–trying and trying not to touch until we break and give in.”
“Sasha–”
“You’re breaking my heart!” The words rip free, filling the space between us with all the pain and hurt that I’ve been holding in. “I don’twantanyone else, Max! I don’t care what danger it causes me to be in, what I have to live with, whatworldit makes me live in! I want to be inyourworld. That’s all I want.”
“I can’t live with putting you in danger–” Max stands there, staring at me, his hair a tousled mess from my hands and his clothes rumpled, his face still flushed. “I know how you feel, but–”
“I love you!” I almost shriek the words, pain clawing at my throat and forcing them free. “I love you, and I always will, but this is tearing me apart.” I tighten my arms around myself, feeling a wave of grief well up in me so profoundly that I let out a sudden, shuddering sob, turning my head away. “I want to go home.”
“You can’t,” Max says helplessly. “I won’t touch you again, Sasha, I swear–if this–”
I laugh, unable to help myself, turning my wild, pain-filled gaze back to him. “I don’t fucking believe you.Thiswill happen again, just like it always does, and we’ll both want it so badly that we can’t stop ourselves. But that’s not what I want, anyway–I don’twantus to stop. I want you to stop tryingnotto. Why is that so hard to understand?”
I look at him, tears sliding down my cheeks. “Why, Max?”
He shakes his head, a glimmer of the same pain echoing in his eyes. “I promised, when you were sick, that I’d keep my vow again if you lived–and I broke it again anyway. I’ve broken all my vows now, every single one, and I break them again and again. I–”
“Maybe it’s best if you don’t make any promises to me, then.” I turn away from him sharply, but not before I see the sudden hurt in his face, as if I’d slapped him. “Not about my safety, or anything else–if you’re only going to break them.”
I yank open the door, only to see Art walking down the hall. He stops, as if to say something, and I feel my face contort into something ugly and angry.
“Fuck off,” I snap at him, and he recoils, his eyes narrowing before he keeps walking, stalking down to his own room.
I stand aside, trying to hold back my tears until Max leaves. He hesitates in the doorway, but I look away, and Ifeelthe loss of his presence as he steps out, the hollowness left behind.
It only takes until I shut the door for me to break out into heavy, wracking sobs. I sink down to the floor, my back against it as I bury my face against my knees, crying harder than I’ve ever cried in my life.
I want to go home,I’d said–and it’s true.
But more than anything else, I want Max. And I’m not sure now if I’ll ever have either of those things, ever again.
22
MAX
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, after what transpired the night before with Sasha, is going to the Casciani estate to tell Edo that I intend to accept his offer. But it had, in a way, made things even clearer.
I have to choose. And no matter how much it breaks my heart and Sasha’s, I will choose the path that keeps her safest.
I have to.
I’d called Viktor and Luca and run it past them. Both of them agreed wholeheartedly that a marriage alliance with the Casciani family would be best for everyone. Though I know it’s largely rooted in what’s best forthem, I also know that they’re right.
By stepping into my father’s shoes, I’m also putting myself in a position to need to make the choices he would have made. Marrying me to Adriana Casciani is exactly one of those choices.
When I arrive at Edo’s office, the mood is entirely different from the last time, as if he knows that my second visit means I’m going to accept his offer. I’m escorted in easily into his usual office, a much more brightly lit and pleasant room than before, even if it is still heavily decorated in dark woods and textures.
“It’s good to see you again, Agosti,” he booms from the other side of the desk, gesturing for me to take a seat as he had before. “I hope you have good news for me?”
“I do.” I settle into the seat, keeping my expression carefully even. “I appreciate you giving me time to consider, and I hope it didn’t give any offense. I wanted to discuss with others who back me, and I, them, before making a final decision.”
“Andreyev.” Don Casciani says it flatly, and I nod.
“And others with whom I’m allied, who have my best interests in mind.”