“You don’t have to. Let’s give it a try the way nature intended. If we still can’t make it work after a year, we’ll go all in. I’ll pay for all the costs.”
I nearly choke on my sip of coffee. “You’re saying...sex with you and me?”
There’s nothing we haven’t shared. Except this—our sex lives. I mean, he doesn’t live like a monk. I’m sure of it. Ledger doesn’t lack for women, but he never mentions them to me, and I don’t ask. I like it better that way.
“That’s the way babies are usually made,” he drawls.
“Yeah, but...” I say articulately. We’ve never crossed this line. We’ve purposely kept sex out of our friendship. I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it a million times. When I’m reading about my blue aliens and my hand slips between my thighs, it’s always Ledger. Always him I wish I were sharing every single release with.
“You don’t have to make a decision right away,” he offers like we’re doing something as casual as deciding which burger to order at Ernie’s Diner. He stands and takes his cup to the sink to rinse it. “Think about it and if this is how you want a kid, we’ll go for it.”
* * *
Ledger
I’m prettysure I have her. I saw the raw longing that crossed Peyton’s face as we talked about having a baby. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed so hard for the sex angle. Maybe I should have offered to pay for the cost of conception up front.
But if I’m ever going to get her to see me as more than her friend, I need to do this. She has to see me as a man. Her man, the one who takes care of her and provides for and loves her selflessly.
Besides, when her belly grows round with my baby, I want those memories to look back on. I want to remember how my ears rang when she screamed my name and how my skin stung as her fingernails dug into my back. I want to remember how tightly her pussy squeezed my cock and the exact shade of green her eyes were when she came in my arms.
While she’s thinking things over, I still have a couple of questions to ask Cash. He’s the town doctor. A good man who married Summer, the owner of Seize the Clay, an art studio here. When he’s not busy caring for the people of our community, he can be found on the Taylor Ranch. He runs it with his brothers.
Just as I expected, I find him in the south pasture on his farm, mending fences. Most of the day workers are gone. It’s hard to find help once the weather turns cold. Working a ranch is tough enough in the blistering heat of the summer. But once it’s cold, help dries up real fast.
Brennon is with Cash. He lives in the mountains of Courage County. Rumor is that we have the grumpiest mountain men in the world living nearby. I don’t know anything about that.
All I know is that Brennon used to be in the fancy magazines that rank rich people. He was a billionaire, doing whatever it is that billionaires do. Now, he’s a bearded guy who just grunts at most everybody. Still, he’s a pretty good guy. I’d even consider us friends.
“Need a hand?” I offer to Cash as I stroll up.
He tosses me a pair of work gloves in answer, and I get to work helping the two of them. I’m not normally the type that has to talk about my life.
But it seems that Cash might need to know some stuff. At least, he does if he’s going to be able to answer my questions. So, I tell him about Peyton and our baby plan. I don’t bother mentioning that she’s thinking it over. She’ll say yes. She has to.
“This is my chance. I can convince Peyton that we’re supposed to be together,” I tell the two of them. I know I sound like some desperate kid, eager to get his crush to agree to a date. But I don’t care. I’m willing to be a fool for Peyton. I’ve always been powerless to resist her, always craved to know her on every level.
Brennon sends me a look. He doesn’t even have to say anything.
Still, I scowl at him. “One day, you’ll find your soulmate and it’ll be everything you can do not to drag her back to your cabin and keep her forever.”
That’s what I should have done with Peyton a long time ago. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess, debating on having a kid or not. She’d already be knocked up several times over and I’d have cute little daughters that look just like their mama. Yeah, that sounds perfect. After we have little Ledger first, maybe I can convince her to keep going. We’ll have a dozen daughters all with their mama’s infectious laugh and cute, upturned nose.
Brennon snorts and takes off his gloves. He passes them back to Cash without a word and starts toward his truck.
“He’ll understand one day,” Cash mutters under his breath as he continues to work.
The two of us fall into an easy rhythm even without Brennon here to help us. Cash isn’t my regular doctor and I’m not sure how to bring up this topic so finally I blurt out, “People who have eating disorders can be good parents, right?”
The thing is, I don’t want to raise a kid that ends up like me. I mean, I wouldn’t love a kid less because they had an eating disorder. I just don’t want to give them one the way I was given one.
“Absolutely. People with any type of mental health problem can be great parents. Provided Peyton is in treatment for her disease and that she’s physically strong enough to bear your child, there’s no reason she can’t have a healthy pregnancy.”
Cash puts the new post in the ground. “That said, she’ll need your support and maybe additional care from her doctor and therapist. The pregnancy is going to change her body and she might struggle to cope.”
When the post is stable, I pass him the wire. I have to pause to yank it out where it snagged on my glove. “What if...she’s not the parent with the eating disorder?”
“I’d still tell you the same things I’d tell her. Stay in treatment. Take any prescribed medications as usual. Be aware that your body will change when you have a baby and reach out if you start to get overwhelmed or are tempted to relapse.”