“Forget the solo vacation. We have to move away forever,” I tell Honey. I feel sick to my stomach. Why did I get drunk around Ledger? I mean, he’s the guy I’ve always gotten drunk with because he’s a straight arrow. He’ll look after me no matter what. It’s why I feel so safe around him.
But this? Baring my heart to the most important man in my life, why did I have to do that? I’m not the type that opens up even if I am wasted.
Honey whines, letting me know that we’ve spent too long in here. It’s time to face the music and hope that Ledger and I can laugh this one off.Please let us laugh it off.
Ledger is at my kitchen table, flicking at something on his phone while a cup of coffee is in front of him. He got me one of those fancy coffee machines a few months ago. He insisted it was because he crashes here sometimes, and he deserves good coffee. But I know he did it for me because I love those little cups of gourmet coffee that come in all the different flavors.
He looks up from his phone when he hears me come into the room. “Are you feeling better?”
I blow out a breath. “No, feeling weird about what I said.”
I could gather my backpack and Honey right now. Just walk out the door and pretend we weren’t having this conversation. But the thing about always running away is I wish someone would miss me enough to come after me. No one ever does.
“Which part?” His expression is guarded, and it hurts. I’m the one person that he normally lets inside. He lets me see everything. He never hides anything from me, and I like it that way. I like knowing he gives me access to every piece of his heart.
“The part where I maybe mentioned babies.”
“The part where you said we should make a baby together? Did you mean that?” He prompts.
I try to force a smile and hope that he can’t tell how fake it is. I can’t lie to him about what I want. He’ll hear it in my tone. “I was really drunk last night.”
“It’s when people are the most honest.” He got drunk when we were teenagers and told me that his stepmom was in prison. He kept writing her letters and she’d never answer him. He looked so broken that night.
I never figured out why she was in prison, and I never mentioned it again. Just put his head on my shoulder and told him I was there. Sometimes when everyone else lets you down, all you have left is your best friend.
“Look at me, Peyton” he calls my name in that rich baritone of his, the one that always makes me want to curl up in his lap like a kitten. “OK.”
I pull my gaze up from the chipped linoleum to his deep brown gaze. “OK what?”
“OK, let’s have a baby together.”
4
PEYTON
“It’s not funny,”I mumble and move to grab myself a cup of coffee.
But Ledger is up and out of his chair before I can get to the counter. He pulls me into his arms and studies me, a fierce expression on his face. “I’m not joking. I’m not laughing about this. I meant what I said. If you want a baby with me, OK. We’ll find a way.”
This is crazy and I should tell him that we can’t do this. But my heart and my brain aren’t syncing up, so I say, “We’re doing this?”
The softest smile lights up his face and his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Yeah, we’re doing this. Now sit and let me make you a cup of coffee.”
I do as he said, taking a seat at the table. It’s only when I plop down in the chair that I realize how rubbery my legs are and how nervous I am. It’s so strange to me. We’ve discussed everything. We know each other’s views on just about every political idea, religious belief, or conspiracy theory. But this is new territory for us.
He slides me a steaming mug on the table, just the way I like it. See? Another reason he’ll be a great dad. He always takes care of me and that means he’ll always take care of our child. “I can check with my health insurance policy to see if they’ll help cover the cost of the procedure. If not, I can figure something out.”
It’ll probably take a bite out of my savings—a big bite—and I’ll have to put off purchasing the bar for a couple more years. But some things in life are worth the cost and this is one of them.
He takes a seat beside me, his shoulder bumping mine. “If we’re doing this, it’s going to be the natural way.”
Ledger didn’t just suggest that we sleep together, did he? I have to be hearing it wrong.
I interrupt before he can continue with his silly suggestion, “My way is just as natural as any other solution. Plenty of amazing people are here on this earth thanks to medical intervention.”
“I’m not arguing that. But it’s a little more complicated than what you’re thinking. Most insurance companies want proof you’ve been trying the natural way for at least six months. Sometimes, twelve months before they’ll offer any form of help or counseling.”
“I wouldn’t be able to sell enough cookies to do it on my own.” I swallow hard and blink, willing myself not to cry. There go my dreams of starting a family. How can it come down to this? To not having enough in savings to produce a little life.