“Bennett,” she said softly.
“We were at a village to meet an informant. One of my men, our new guy, Paul Davies, triggered an IED, then we came under fire. I was injured in the explosion, crawling to get to cover. My team was all returning fire. Paul was blown to bits. He was so damn young. And Hamed—” Bennett hadn’t been able to save his friend or the young man under his command. Guilt chewed at him. It often did when he stopped, slowed down, or wasn’t working.
A slim hand covered his. He grabbed her like a lifeline.
He swallowed. “Hamed was torn to shreds. He’d given the vest I gave him to a younger, new interpreter. He was wearing a shitty one.”
“I’m sorry.”
“The explosion ripped through his vest like paper. And we never found Paul’s body, just…his hand. He was a good kid, excited to have made the SAS, wasalwaystalking. He loved quoting lines from old movies. Used to drive us crazy.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Bennett. You know that.”
They hadn’t been the first people he’d lost, but their deaths had been the last he could cope with. “I know that in my head, but it’s harder for the rest of me to accept.” He drew in a breath. “I’ll never, ever stop regretting that I couldn’t save them. I’d promised Hamed’s wife I’d keep him safe, and I wasn’t even fucking on my feet when he was dying.”
“You started Secura because of your friend.”
“Yes, he was a big reason. Hamed and I always talked about how so much more was needed than just guns and grenades. We’d seen too many people making do with crap gear. Too many who were sick and uncomfortable under already shitty circumstances.”
“What happened to your interpreter’s wife and little girl, Bennett?”
He shifted on the box. “They live here, in the UK.”
“You brought them over here.”
He didn’t reply. It’d been the least he could do for Hamed.
“Hmm. So, you really are a good guy, Bennett Knightley.”
He grunted. “I told you not to go making me a saint.”
“Saint Bennett,” she teased.
He leaned closer to her. “If you knew what I think every time I see you, you wouldn’t use the word good.”
Her fingers tightened on his. He thought she wouldn’t say anything, but her voice cut through the darkness.
“What do you think when you see me?”
His heart beat hard. He swiveled, caging her legs with his. “I think you’re so damn beautiful that I can’t think straight. That I want to touch you. Everywhere. I’m half hard anytime you’re in the room.”
“Bennett—”
Damn, he heard the desire in her voice. “When you walked into my office today, all I wanted to do was bend you over my desk and push your dress up. Control has been the cornerstone of my life since I joined the military, and you shred it.”
He heard her fast breathing. “Knightley—”
He groaned. “Even when you say my name, with that slight edge, that hints you either want to hit me or kiss me, it gets to me.”
“We have a mission. An important one.”
“I know. My cock just hasn’t gotten the memo yet.”
“Bennett.”
“I know L’Orage is dangerous, Hadley. No one wants to uncover whoever the hell is betraying me and Secura more than I do. But it doesn’t stop me wanting you. It doesn’t stop me liking your sharp mind, your insane competence at your job, your sexy poise, your gorgeous body.”
Silence. He waited for her to punch him.