“Is this going to be a deal breaker for us?” he asked at last.
She chewed her lower lip and he remembered how her mouth felt under his and how much he wanted her back in his arms. He was trying his best to be the man she needed. One who didn’t say the wrong thing and was honest. But the truth was, he felt more at home behind the facade of a role. And that wasn’t an option now.
“I want it too,” she said. “Tonight was...one of the best nights of my life. I don’t want to screw it up now by being too me, but I’m a worrier.”
“You aren’t screwing anything up. I like that you worry. I know you do it because you care.”
She reached out, putting her hand over his. “I do care about you, Sean. Please, never doubt that.”
That statement made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Why would he doubt her?
Luckily, the car pulled up in front of her building. They went up to her apartment before she had to say anything else. She was aware of him quietly walking behind her, and also aware that she hadn’t said the simple words,I’m pregnant. That’s all she had to do.
It was literally that easy.
But instead she was talking about everything else, frantically trying to find the right way to tell him the truth. Like she feared that once he knew, it would irrevocably change things between them. But as they got into her apartment and she saw the tree they’d decorated together, she remembered how he’d made love to her beneath all those glittering lights, and honestly, she felt so in love with him at this very moment.
In love.
That was it. She loved him. No more pretending that maybe she didn’t because he’d deceived her about who he really was. No more believing that she couldn’t trust him because of that lie. No more trying to convince herself that she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with this man at her side.
“Doubt you? That’s an odd thing to say.”
She swallowed. Why had she put it that way? It was like she wanted him to push her so she’d have no excuse but to tell him the truth because she was too cowardly to do it on her own.
“I know. It’s just...remember when I said that there was something I needed to tell you but wasn’t ready?”
He lifted both eyebrows at her as he took off his coat. “I do. Are you ready now?”
Paisley looked down at her lap. She knew that the options were limited.Yes or no.Either way, this moment was a big one. “I’m not sure.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“You.”
“Me?” he asked incredulously. “Should I be worried?”
Yes, very worried. She had no idea how he was going to react to the news that she was pregnant. “I hope not.”
He got up and came to stand next to her. Then he drew her to her feet and pulled her into his arms. “I know you’re not sure you can trust me with the big things, Pais, but you can.”
He hugged her so tightly that she almost just blurted it out, but she knew this was a betrayal and he was going to feel it as such. The same way that he must have felt trapped at times by being Jack around her. And sure, it would be easy to try to justify her silence by using his actions as an excuse. But she couldn’t. Sean deserved to know.
She tipped back her head and saw he was watching her, waiting. He rubbed his thumbs over her temples and then leaned down to give her the sweetest and kindest kiss she’d ever received. With that one embrace, it was as if he was sayingtrust me, I’m here for you.
She felt tears sting her eyes. She knew he was here. He was being way too nice to her. She needed to just tell him what was going on and then... Then she’d be able to move on. The not knowing how he was going to react was making her—
Crap.
She felt bile rising in the back of her throat and knew she was going to throw up.
“Be right back.”
She ran from the kitchen to the hallway bathroom, making it just in time. Until the pregnancy she hadn’t thrown up since her college days, when she’d partied a bit too hard. When she was finished, she rinsed her mouth out and then brushed her teeth, carefully avoiding looking at the doorway, where Sean was leaning against the jamb trying to look casual, but the worry in his eyes belied his pose.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I think I drank too much.”