He called his assistant to verify. “Hey, Bert. Tonight?”
“Yeah. I mean, I threw your name around and a lot of money toward them and they said they’d have it ready. It’s already furnished, so that part’s easy. I’m just having them tweak things the way you like them. I emphasized the need for secrecy and that the tabloid press were all over you like a rash,” Bert said with a chuckle.
“Thanks for that. Also, I told Paisley to liaise with you, but that I don’t want you to have to come out here.”
“I appreciate that,” he murmured. “I’m still not sure when I’m going to pop the question, but being in LA will make the timing easier. Also...well, I know you don’t have family, so Christa and would like you to join us for Christmas this year. I know you have to stay in Chicago to do the press for the movie and all so, we’ll come to you.”
Sean was touched. Normally he and Bert went to an island he owned in the Caribbean for the holidays. They’d always spent it together because, in essence, they were alone. And Christa, who worked for a local television station as a news anchor, couldn’t travel. So he knew they were making a lot of sacrifices to ensure he wouldn’t be alone. He also knew that it was all down to Bert finding him that one year stoned out of his head on the twenty-sixth.
“I’m good. You don’t have to—”
“I know that, man. I’m doing this as your friend. And we both know you’ve been there for me, so it’s the least I can do. And as I said, it was Christa’s idea,” Bert said. “I can’t tell her you said no, she’ll think you don’t like her.”
Bert was making it easy for him to agree. And as he had no family other than Bert and his agent, maybe he should go along with the plan. “You know I like her—she makes you a better man.”
“That she does,” Bert said. “We’ll be landing on the twenty-third and we are staying until New Year’s. The place I got you has a guesthouse in the back, so we’ll stay there. Okay?”
“Yes, thank you, Bert. I’m not like I was back then,” he reminded him. For a few years he’d been taking roles that exacerbated his darker impulses. The roles had netted him Oscar nominations and a Golden Globe win, but the toll on his psyche had been high.
“Dude, you’re like my bro. I know you’re not in that place. But it’s the holidays and I want to spend it with the people who mean the most to me.”
“Me too,” he said, realizing for the first time that he might be ready to trust in the close-knit bond that he and Bert had forged together. They were like brothers and Sean had been mentoring his assistant and helping him as he tried to get into production. Bert wanted to direct and together they’d been looking for the right project for him. Sometimes he thought about the found family he’d created for himself. He’d heard that blood was thicker than water, but for Sean it had seemed that wasn’t the case. The people he trusted and called family weren’t blood.
All of his life he’d substituted the cast and crew on film and TV sets for family, embodying a role and letting himself become that part until it was over. He’d been a nomad for so long he wasn’t sure he had it in him to put down roots anywhere, but these last few months with Paisley had shown him another side of himself.
But was wanting enough?
“See you on the twenty-third,” he said to Bert as he disconnected the call.
Sean scrubbed a hand across his face. He had spent so much time pretending he wasn’t sure he even knew who he really was. However, now, with the stakes higher than ever, never had it been more important that he figure himself out. But...and this was a big one. As touched as he was by Bert and Christa coming to spend Christmas with him, it also made him feel like he was once again pretending to be something he wasn’t.
The only thing he knew about being a brother was what he’d learned from roles he’d played. Mentoring...well, that was easier because it was right in his professional wheelhouse. The one place he felt safe.
Letting down Bert and Christa would be easier than letting down Paisley, he admitted.
But was it a sure thing that he would disappoint her?
He shook his head and knew he needed to stop obsessing over this. He wasn’t even sure she liked him as Sean. He’d met her when he was so deep in his role that it had been Jack courting her and falling for her.
Now Sean had to step in because he wanted her. He wasn’t going to deny it. He liked her clever tongue and cheeky smile. Plus, she was the best lover he’d ever had and he wanted her back in his bed. But he knew that she wasn’t after another short-term affair with him. He had to be...the best version of himself. And that was a lot of work.
Was she worth it?
Washe?
That floored him—he hadn’t realized until that moment that he was always careful to keep himself from making permanent attachments because he knew he didn’t feel like he deserved them. A part of him was still that child TV star who’d learned the hard way that the only thing special about him was his TV role.
Six
Sean saw Paisley donned in her long winter coat and carrying her work bag as she entered the coffee shop. Her hair was delectably disheveled, as if it was just after they’d made love. He hardened and shifted his stance to accommodate his erection. He was trying to be chill, but he had no game around Paisley. Maybe if he got her back between the sheets, he might. She glanced around for him and gave him a wave, hurrying over with a harried look on her face. A tendril of hair had escaped her ponytail and curled against her cheek.
“Sorry to do this, but I’ve had an emergency come up. I can’t have coffee with you,” she said.
He got to his feet and pulled on his coat, handing her the mocha he’d ordered for her while he’d been waiting. She smiled her thanks.
“What kind of emergency?”
She took a sip of her coffee and then gave him that sort of sad smile of hers. “A personal one. I really can’t stay, but didn’t want to text since things have been...well, you know. I didn’t want you to think I was just bailing because I didn’t want to see you.”