When I get up to go and grab some water, Raegan is right on my heels and I almost groan. She never misses a beat, especially when it comes to me. Sometimes I have to wonder who the older sister is between the two of us.
The moment we’re in the kitchen she hisses, “What is going on with you and Corbin?”
“Nothing,” I whisper yell before my eyes dart back in the direction of the living room.
She snorts, “You’ve never been a good liar, Justice.” Then she crosses her arms across her chest and stares me down. “Spill,” she demands.
There’s a whine to my voice, “I don’t want to. Not right now. Nothing is going on though, that much I can guarantee.”
Raegan looks me up and down. “I don’t know if you’re deluding yourself on purpose or if you really believe that.”
I snap, “What?”
Raegan rolls her eyes. “Maybe you can’t see it because you’re too close to whatever is going on, but everyone else sees it.”
I eye her warily, about to bite my tongue, but then the words slip out, “Sees what?”
“The way he looks at you.” Her brown eyes, the same ones we inherited from our mom, are boring into me. “He looks at you like Hale looks at Celeste or the way Sterling looks at Isabell.”
“The way Evan looks at you,” I try to sound teasing, but it falls flat. I know it. She knows it.
“The way Evan looks at me,” she deadpans as if I’m an idiot.
Maybe I am. I don’t know anymore. I’ve loved spending time with Corbin. He makes me laugh. He makes me want to grow and be a better person, even if I am pretty awesome already. He cares about me and shows me in many ways.
I haven’t missed going out at all because I like being at home with him. I look forward to cuddling on the couch and I don’t care what we’re watching. The way he looks at me makes me feel special.
He makes me feel seen.
I both want this to work and want to push him away, still, because I know that if this doesn’t work out the pain is going to be so much worse than any I’ve felt before. I never cared about any other relationship. This one matters.
A lot.
I don’t like knowing he’s upset with me because I asked him to keep whatever is going on between us secret. I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t matter. He does.
Somewhere along the way I’ve fallen in love with him. We haven’t said those words, it would be far too early to do that. Right?
I don’t know, but the words feel like they’re burning a hole in my chest. It aches and I reach up and rub the spot.
Raegan shoots me a triumphant look before coming over and wrapping me up in a hug. I whisper admonishingly, “I didn’t admit anything, Raegan. Why are you hugging me?”
“Yeah, Justice,” she rolls her eyes at me when she pulls back, “you kind of did. You’ve been thinking about him, and you got this dopey grin on your face.”
“Hey,” my voice is indignant. “I do not have a dopey grin on my face.”
“If you say so,” she teases me, amusement dancing in her eyes.
I sigh, “He’s not happy because I asked him to treat me like everything is the same as it always was.”
“But it’s not,” she prompts with a raised eyebrow.
“Not the point,” I hiss the words at her. “I don’t want to deal with it this year.”
Raegan closes the distance between us and pulls me into a hug. She whispers into my hair, “I get it. You’re scared. I didn’t want to believe I had a guy falling over backwards to be everything I needed him to be either.”
“That’s different,” I insist. “It was clear Evan was in love with you.”
Raegan jerks back and gives me a pointed look. I think over my words and then I slump into her. I’ve been trying to ignore my own feelings while protecting myself behind a wall and I forgot about how the man has been showing mehisfeelings.