“What?”
“I know… I didn’t know what to make of it either.”
“I think this is Jade’s doing. Why would Zoë want us together?”
“She wants her parents back together! That is what every kid wants!”
“We were never together!” My voice was louder than I wanted it to be. I wasn’t angry with her but with Jade. This came from her.
“Sorry, for yelling. This is annoying,” I said, walking up to her and taking her in my arms. She hugged me back, but her body was tight, resisting.
“This is my mess,” I said. “I hate it, but there it is. A crazy ex, a sad kid and all I’ve got going for me is millions of dollars, waiting to be spent.”
She gave me a small smile as a reward for the poor joke.
“Maybe a weekend alone will give you guys some time to sort things out,” she said.
“I’m not spending time alone with Jade,” I said quietly. “I’d rather go hiking up a mountain.”
“Really?”
“Yes! Or go running again. In fact, my ankle is all good now, I might just do that.”
Nikki was smiling broadly now.
“Look, kids want all sorts of things. Unicorns and ponies, houses made of candy and marshmallows and s’mores for doors. It doesn’t mean they get them. Zoë has a lot, she doesn’t need any more.”
Nikki bit her lip.
“Besides, you really think you leaving will bring Jade and I together?” I snorted with laughter. “Even if by some weird miracle, she came to live here, you think she would cook dinner and do laundry and clean the cat litter? No way! She’d be out till late, hanging with her friends. She has no idea how to take care of anyone, not even herself.”
“But she’s been trying, hasn’t she?”
“I don’t know how much of all of this I’m buying,” I said, admitting to something I had only thought of until now. “She still hasn’t gotten that apartment she was talking about. Always some hitch. She’s still living with Mac.” I mused, “There is something very staged about this Perfect Mother comeback. It feels like a performance. Like she’s trying to win over Zoë.”
“Or you.”
I looked at Nikki.
“I’ve seen how she looks at you,” said Nikki. “There is something there. And she resents me, I can feel it.”
“Has she said anything to you?”
She shook her head, and I wondered if she was telling me the truth.
“Okay, let me state very clearly, and for the record, that I have no interest in getting together with Jade. Not for Zoë, not for anyone’s idea of a perfect family. I want to be with you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
I searched her face.
“Or… is that already happening? Tell me, am I losing you?”
Nikki shook her head, tears in her eyes.
“Be honest with me,” I insisted gently. “I can take it, trust me, I’m a big boy.”
“No,” she said, her voice shaking. “But it’s all… a bit much.”
I hugged her tightly.