“Everyone who sees us together, knows,” he said as struggled to get up, kissing me on the cheek. “It’s obvious.”
He kissed me again.
“Good night.”
I wondered if he was right. Was it that clear that we were together?
I wanted to believe we were strong enough to make it through all of this. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was too much. Our relationship was too young, too new, to handle this kind of pressure, the weight of a mother wanting to connect and build a life with her family. Every day, I saw small signs of Jade in Zoë. The way the little girl sometimes narrowed her eyes while deciding what to say in response to a question. Or the loose-limbed way she had of walking. She was skinny, like Jade, and supple. They were so similar, in so many ways.
That night, I dreamt of a mountain peak rising into a flaming sky, a white camp of snow gleaming from high up in the sky. I felt the mountain calling to me, my feet itching to take the path and I wanted to go to it.
Chapter 20
Will
I was lying on the bed, watching Nikki pack for her hiking weekend at Sugarloaf Mountain.
“Remind me again, who will be going?”
She had her backpack open and was folding T-shirts and socks, a rain jacket and sleeping bag.
“Some people from college, friends of mine,” she said. “You don’t know them, but if you want names, Debbie, Mike, Lamar, Rhonda and Isaac. Maybe a few more.”
“Have you dated any of them?”
She turned to look at me, an odd expression on her face.
“What kind of question is that?”
“Ah, babe, I was just joking.”
I wasn’t really, though.
She’d been quiet all week and no matter how much I tried to cheer her up or talk to her, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was pulling away from me. Then she announced that friends of hers were doing this hiking thing and she asked if I could do without her on Saturday and Sunday.
“Why?” I’d asked her.
“I need to get away for a bit,” she’d said, not meeting my eye.
“From me?” I asked.
“Not you, but… the situation.”
I knew she meant Jade and Zoë and the way in which Jade was working herself back into my life.
“Look, I’ll tell Jade to back off…”
“No! I don’t want that!” she said.
She was looking so pretty, her hair tied up, dressed in a tight weatherproof top and some cargo shorts that stopped at the knee, revealing shapely calves. I wanted to throw her down on the bed, but things were too tense between us now.
“Did anything happen this week?” I asked.
She shook her head.
“Come on, Nik. Talk to me.” I kept quiet and stared at her until she finally turned to me. There were tears in her eyes.
“Zoë asked me if I could give you and Jade some alone time.”