“I don’t make a habit of discussing my private life with anyone.”
“Even though you’ve dragged me right into the middle of it? We’re getting married – at your insistence. Damn it, we have a daughter together. Doesn’t that give me some right to understand –,”
“I told you everything I intended to about me that night.”
She shivered, memories of that awful conversation slicing through her anew. She’d never forget the clarity and finality of his words.
“Fine. I’ll take your silence as confirmation that what we shared was just run of the mill for you.” Whereas for Abby, he’d redefined the borders of her existence. She swallowed, lifting her orange juice to quench a dry throat.
“I didn’t say that.” The words were gruff, growled from his chest as though bursting for air. “I have never wanted a woman like I wanted – want – you. I cannot stand here, two feet from you, and not tell you that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Sex. It’s always about sex with you. I’m talking about in here.” She pressed a hand to his chest. “Did you really feelnothingfor me?”
He stared down at her, his expression twisted with dark emotions. She held her breath, willing him to contradict her, to offer her something that would serve as a balm to her aching soul. He stared at her, and she felt the speed of his mind, the wheels turning as he searched for something to say.
“You’re saying sex doesn’t count?”
“I think it’s not real,” she whispered. “I think you and I have both had other lovers, that we’re grown up enough to admit that desire is just fleeting attraction.”
His eyes darkened and somehow, without her realizing it, they were toe to toe, almost touching. “Have you had other lovers since me?”
She blinked, surprised by the question. “That’s none of your business.”
“Is it a secret?”
“You tell me how many women you’ve been with since you left me, and I’ll answer your question.”
Except, she didn’t want the answer. She was terrified of it. She shook her head quickly. “Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. I don’t know why I brought it up. Clearly this conversation isn’t going to end well. I’m going inside.”
But he caught her at the wrist, holding her still – and she made no attempt to leave, anyway. The second he touched her, flames flickered beneath her skin. “I wanted you,” he said the words slowly, his posh British accent roughened by the strength of the admission. “More than I have ever wanted anyone. I wanted you to the point I ignored common sense and good intentions. I wanted you to the point where memories of you have tortured me ever since.” She blinked up at him, shocked by that revelation. “I should have walked away from you after that first night. I knew I was playing with an unknown quantity. You weren’t like other women I’d been with. But I kept telling myself I could handle it. One more night. Just one more night. And you were so fucking messed up by that creep when we met, and yet with me, you seemed happy. I got addicted to making you happy, without realizing how careless that was.”
Tears stung her eyes at his easy invocation of Eric’s behavior. “Sympathy?” She turned away. “Is that why you let it go on so long?”
He made a growling sound of disbelief, and then, he was kissing her, his lips moving over hers, soft and demanding, forcing her mouth apart so his tongue could duel with hers, his body so much bigger and stronger as he kissed her until the breath evaporated from her lungs and she was left with a heady ache low in her gut and a racing heart.
She was so angry with him! So bitterly, burningly mad, but when he kissed her like this, she wasn’t capable of feeling anything, let alone remembering. She simplywanted.On an ancient, primal, desperate, necessary level.
“Screw you,” she groaned into his mouth, hating him and wanting him in equal measure. But for Abby, it wasn’t possible to want him without remembering how much she’d once loved him too, and how much that love had hurt her.
“This is good, Abby. So good. We don’t need to fight it.”
But he was wrong. If their past had taught her anything it was that they viewed intimacy through a fundamentally different lens.
“Yes, we do.” And she did exactly that, pulling her mouth away as though he was burning her, fighting it until her heart burst and her limbs sagged. He held her close, his arousal unmistakable, her own desire whipping through her body.
“Why? I want you, and you want me.”
She did. With all her heart. “But I can’t separate sex from love. I learned that the hard way.”
“You didn’t know then. I wasn’t clear enough.” His voice was soft. “I let you think that more was possible. I was selfish.” It was the second time he’d levelled the charge at himself. She wanted to dispute it. He couldn’t have known she’d fall in love with him. “Which is why I’m being so honest with you now. I don’t want you to get hurt, but I think we can have fun together.”
Fun.
It was the exact opposite of how she felt, what she wanted. “I haven’t had fun in years,” she said quietly. Being a single mom didn’t exactly leave much room for that. “And I don’t want to have fun with you.”
“Then how do you see our marriage working?”
“I don’t. It was your idea.”