“It was a mistake.”
She didn’t look at him, but felt his skepticism and it tripped something in the center of her being.
“It’s strange being back here.”
He was so close she could feel his warmth. “Why?”
“I just never thought I’d be back.”
He braced both elbows on the railing’s edge. “I suppose that was a fair assumption. I didn’t exactly leave the door open to a reunion.”
She sipped her orange juice rather than reply. Remembering the finality of their conversation still felt like she was rubbing steel wool over her skin.
“Things with us went on longer than they should have. I was selfish.”
Selfish? She’d have categorized him as exceptionally generous, until he’d abruptly ended things. How could she ever trust him again? She’d trusted him once. Did he have any idea what that had taken? What a leap of faith? And he’d jeopardized that trust in the worst possible way.
“I was stupid. I should have realized someone like you would never…” but the words tapered off. Because despite his wealth and the fact he was hotter than hades, Gray had never felt unattainable to Abby. All of that had seemed unimportant compared to the way they sparked off one another.
“I should have been clearer. But I liked being with you.”
Liked.Such an insipid term for what they’d shared! For how he’d felt! So lukewarm and…convenient! She knew they’d come at things from a different place but everything he said only served to confirm how stupid she’d been to see love growing between them.
“Be clear with me now,” she said, surprised by the direct question. “Tell me why you ended it.”
“Didn’t I do that at the time?”
“You said you’re not interested in relationships.”
“Right.”
“But we were in a relationship.”
She didn’t look at him, but even without the visual aid, knew he was going to reject her statement. “We were –,”
She spun quickly, pressing a finger to his lips, anger sparking in her eyes. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”
He stared at her, green eyes swirling.
“Don’t say we were just having sex. That’s not how she was conceived.” She dropped her finger away before a surge of desire could make her do something really stupid, like begin tracing the outline of his lips, before dropping it to his sternum and running lower, to the elastic waist of his shorts.
“We were more than that. You might want not want to admit it, but at least don’t deny it. Not to me.”
His jaw shifted as he ground his teeth together. “I was going to say that we were hanging out.”
She pulled a face. “That’s even worse.” Questions, angry, belligerent questions, fired through her. “So that’s how it is with all the women you sleep with?”
The question obviously caught him off guard.
“Tell me.” She was shaking a little, anger and jealousy rising like a tidal wave in her chest – and a strange need to know, to punish herself, to inure herself against further pain. “I want to know.”
“Abby,” he sighed heavily. “There’s no point in this. I’m marrying you.”
“Sure. But before that, you were having sex with me. I want you to tell me that I was just like every other girl you’ve slept with. That what we shared was no more special than whoever you replaced me with.”
“I’m not doing this.”
“Why not? Is it a secret?”