“I already know what it is,” the tech goes on. “But your baby is showing off right now.” She moves the transducer around on my stomach, pressing down a bit. It’s pretty uncomfortable, really, but I don’t care. The tech takes a picture of our baby’s butt, presses a button, and the screen turns pink.
“It’s a girl!”
I stare at the screen in disbelief. I’m smiling and tears leak from the corners of my eyes. “We’re having a girl,” I whisper.
“Ella.” Noah’s voice is soft. The tech switches back to live feed, and we watch our daughter move around.
Holy shit. Ourdaughter. I cannot stop smiling, and I’m already thinking about how to decorate the nursery.
The tech takes a few more measurements, prints us several pictures to take home, and tells us congrats. We see the doctor after that, and she confirms that everything looks perfect. We leave elated.
“I told you it was a girl,” Noah says once we’re in his Charger. “And you said I shouldn’t buy girl shit.”
“I never said it wasn’t. Are you happy, or did you want a boy?”
“Honestly,” he starts and fires up the engine. “I wanted a girl. I feel like if I had a boy, he’d be a little shit like I was.”
I laugh. “Let’s hope this kid gets my karma.”
* * *
“Is your mom coming?” Colin asks Noah. It’s a question that wasn’t meant to be overheard. I already know that Noah invited his mom and she canceled at the last minute.
“Nah, she’s not into things like this.” Noah brushes it off, but I wonder if it bothers him. I had that talk with Colin, and learned that Noah’s mother wasn’t necessarily a bad mom, just uninvolved. Colin said she was rarely home and seemed to care more about her job as a nurse than anything else.
No wonder Noah got in so much trouble as a youth, and that it carried over into adulthood. Though I can’t say that now. We’re standing here like proud parents, in the kitchen of my mom and dad’s house, waiting for Katie and Wes to get here so we can cut into a pink and blue cake and reveal that we are having a girl.
We almost didn’t get the cake. The lady behind the counter at the bakery took a very obvious look at my left hand when I ordered the cake after the ultrasound yesterday. Her eyes went from the non-ring on my finger, to my belly, to Noah, judgement growing with each second. It pissed Noah off and he was ready to leave and order a cake elsewhere.
He really doesn’t like people upsetting me. I don’t understand why strangers have to be such assholes. For all she knew we were getting our rings cleaned, didn’t wear them, or followed a religion that didn’t see the symbolism of wedding bands.
Stupid baker.
Noah kept his mouth shut for my sake. Not a lot of places can squeeze in a custom cake with just hours of notice. And whatever. It is what it is. No, we’re not married and we won’t be getting married until after the baby is born. Well, if we end up married at all. People are going to judge and I can let it get to me or I can not give a shit. I opt for the latter, even though it’s hard. So fucking hard.
“Finally!” my mom says when Katie walks through the door. “I was about ready to have her cut the cake without you!”
“I would never do that,” I promise Katie when she comes in the kitchen. She gives me a hug.
“You look cute today.”
“Thanks. My sundresses still fit and are pretty comfortable, actually.” It’s nearing the end of July and is hot as hell. I don’t tolerate heat very well, and having a tiny person inside of me just makes it worse. I never knew how much I’d love these dresses. “You do too, of course.”
“Thanks. And my guess is a girl. You know I don’t wear pink.”
Just for fun, everyone dressed in either blue or pink to cast a vote as to what they thought we were having. Katie looks stylish in a white and blue halter dress and blue heels. Perks of owning your own clothing store, right? The majority of the votes are for a boy, which makes me happy that I’ll be able to surprise everyone. Dad still insists it’s a girl, and he told me Mom is secretly hoping for a granddaughter to play dress up with.
Jenny wore a green shirt and jeans. She said she couldn’t make up her mind. We haven’t spoken much since our talk in my living room. It just struck me when I saw her today that we really haven’t seen each other or spoken since that day. I’ve been spending more and more time with Noah and less time with my sisters, but when I actually think about it, it feels like she’s avoiding me.
And that makes me sad. Sad that it hurts her to see my belly growing and sad that I’m halfway through a pregnancy and she still doesn’t have her own little baby growing inside of her. I only know they are still trying because Colin told Noah, who told me.
“Can we eat now?” Colin asks, though we’ve all been snacking.
“No, no.” Mom grabs her camera. “Let’s do the cake first!”
“She’s been going crazy all day,” my dad says. “Your grandmother too.”
Nana, as I still call her, smiles guilty. She’s my mom’s mom and has been supportive since we told her. Well, once the shock wore off, that is. “It’s my first great grandchild,” she explains. “What else do you expect?”