Her expression changed, a chameleon shift that left a wistful melancholy behind. “I just wanted to see you one more time. Talk a little bit. For closure.”
“I didn’t. You manipulated me here, though, so say what you feel you need to and let’s end this now.”
Her phone chimed. She checked it, then turned it over on the table next to her uneaten sandwich. “I’d hoped you’d want to try again. Before I heard you got married. You really did move on fast.”
“You dumped me fast when you found out I consider my emotional health more important than my bank account.”
“Bastian, we could have doneso muchwith that money!” She leaned forward. “Paid our student debts! Bought a nice house! Given to charity, advanced the treatments available to soldiers and civilians alike! We wouldn’t have had to struggle to get ahead anymore!”
“No,youwouldn’t have had to struggle. Me? I would have had to deal with my family. You know what they did to me.”
“It would have been worth it.”
“For you. Not for me.”
She leaned back, hurt plain on her face. “Not even to keep me.”
“No. Why would I want to stay with someone who thought money was more important than my well-being?” I spread my hands wide in search of sense.
“That’s harsh.”
“So was what you did, but you know what? It’s fine.” I let my hands fall into my lap. “Let’s put a positive spin on this. We wanted different things. It’s better we found out when we did. You can find a man who will make you happy, now. I already have. Win-win.”
Her phone buzzed again. She didn’t look at it this time. “No. It isn’t win-win,” she said, and stood up fast. “We wanted to get married, Bastian. You even had the ring. Then you couldn’t get over yourself enough to find some ambition. How many degrees do you have? And youteach high school?I loved you. I wanted better for you than what you had. You gave up after that accident and not even losing me could motivate you again.”
That stung. Time to go before this devolved any further. I stood up, too, and held out my hand. “Yeah. That’s what happened. You’re lucky you dodged that bullet. Can I have my ring, please?”
She picked her phone up off the table and jammed it into the pocket of her slacks. Her hand disappeared deeper into the same pocket and pulled out my grandfather’s ring. “There’s no chance you’ll ever come back to me, is there.”
“No. We’re through. I don’t know how that was unclear.” I held my hand out farther. “My grandfather’s ring. Please.”
Her fingers closed over the ring. For a moment, I worried she intended to throw it into the parking lot, or meant to refuse to hand it over. Then I’d have to call the police and that wasnotwhat I needed right now.
She put her hand over mine, and slowly opened her fingers. I felt the weight of the ring hit my palm. A sigh of relief escaped me, and I started to thank her.
Then her fingers closed over my hand and wrist. Before I could react, she stepped forward and pressed her mouth over mine for an inadvertently deep and entirely invasive kiss.
Humans have three startle reactions: fight, flight, and freeze. She caught me off guard and the sheer violation of that kiss shocked me from skull to shoes. My brain shorted out, all thoughts gone in the face of an unexpected assault. One reflex reared up, the one to shove her away with violent force, but self-control beat that into the ground.
Another reaction clawed past the surprise at last. I stepped away and yanked my hand out of hers. “What the fuck do you think you’redoing?” I shouted. “Getawayfrom me. I ammarried. We areover.Howdareyou kiss me when you knew I didn’t want you to? What iswrongwith you? I don’t even know who you are right now. The Joan I knew wouldneverhave touched someone like that without their consent.”
She stood in front of me, shoulders hunched, a hand over her wrist and a slow regret dawning over her face. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice almost inaudible. “I have debts. He had money. I’m really sorry.”
“What the hell doesthatmean? Joan, what are you talking about?” I demanded.
Joan shook her head at me. The only other words I got out of her were, “I’m sorry,” again, mouthed without sound. Then she trotted towards her car in a hurry to leave me behind.
I thought about going after her. What had she meant by “he had money”? Who had money, and what did that have to do withme?I didn’t know, but I did know I needed to get back to the school.
Class would start soon, but more importantly, I could use the phone in my classroom to call Jackson. He had to know what Joan had doneright now, without delay. I thought about driving to the base, as I got behind the wheel of my car, but they’d locked Fort Carson down tight in the days before the deployment. Base personnel only. They wouldn’t let me in, and I had no guarantee I could see him even if they did.
A call would have to do. It would be fine. If he didn’t answer, I would tell him tonight. It wasn’t as if he’d know what happened at lunch until I told him.
23WE ALL FALL DOWN
Jackson’s phonerang and rang, and he never picked up. I wondered if I had given him the number for my classroom so it would show up in his caller ID. He might not answer an unknown number now, especially not with security high and a lid on communications.
The longer I sat with the events of lunch, the more I needed to talk to him. My skin crawled as the feeling of violation stewed just below the surface of my mind. I wanted, Ineededto tell him, to drain away the slimy reservoir of upset that built up inside. If I could talk about it with him, feel his arms around me, I knew I could get past it. He might even manage to make sense of what she’d said. He would hold me, and comfort me, and we could move on to the business of coping with his deployment a few short days away.