All of my muscles tensed, and for the first time, realization pushed through—Alec and I had a one-sided relationship. I kept giving, and he kept taking. After thinking it, I said it aloud.
Serena raised one eyebrow. “And you’re only realizing this now?”
I jerked back like she’d slapped me in the face, and Serena put a defensive hand up.
“It doesn’t mean he loves you any less, Sydney. It just means he loves himself more, and that’s okay. You have to love yourself first before you can love other people.”
My breathing slowed as my arms wrapped around my center. “I made a mistake. I can’t believe I let Austin go.”
She pulled at my arm. “It’s not too late, but you have to do this in steps first.”
My hazel eyes met hers. “He left.”
“So? It’s not like he’s not coming back. But first things first. You gotta straighten things out with Alec.” One side of her mouth quirked up. “And I know exactly where he is.”
AUSTIN
“Are you going to be okay?” Brandy asked as she got on the highway to drive me to the airport.
“Sure,” I mumbled, my tone indicating I was anything but okay.
“Have you talked to her?”
I rested my head against the headrest. Talked to her? Dreamed about her? Thought about her? Yes, to all of that. “There’s nothing left to say. I left everything on the table. Every damn thing. She’s already made up her mind about me. She left.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, lifting my chin to the ceiling, and closed my eyes tightly.
“She’s only picking him now because he’s hurt,” she said logically. “And because all Alec sees is hurt and because I’m the one that hurt him, he won’t accept you. Even though you make Sydney happy. But this, too, will pass. He won’t be hurt forever.” She placed a light hand on my arm, trying to comfort me but nothing could, not right now.
I rubbed at my temple. “I can’t do this. Feeling like I’m not enough. This mental shit went on and on when Dad left. It just …” I inhaled deeply and held my breath. When I finally exhaled, I was able to get the words out. “It was just too much.”
I was a guy’s guy. Yeah, I’d experienced breakups before, and, yes, I’d been sad about it, but somehow, I always got over it. Time healed all wounds and all that shit.
But I didn’t see the end in this. I didn’t see how I could ever get over this, over Sydney. I would always wonder what I could have done differently, what I could have said, how I could have acted. And the only other time I’d felt this way was when my father left.
“I told her I’d wait for her.” My voice was gravelly and full of emotion. “Wait till Alec calmed down. But our last conversation went to shit. She just doesn’t want to be with me if it hurts him. There’s no competition. And that sucks, ya know? The rejection.” Traffic stacked up in front of us, and I focused on the green sign overhead that saidDepartures. “Plus, there were too many things said that I can’t take back.” I regretted being such a douche yesterday, but I was hurt, and spewing shit had always been a coping mechanism. It wasn’t an excuse, and it was a little too late now to take things back.
Brandy veered right, toward the exit. “It’s your pride talking here. Once you come back, you need to go to her and apologize. Have a heart-to-heart. It’s only two weeks.”
She thinks I haven’t thought of that?
“I know how this works. I know what two weeks will do. She and Alec will make up, and then it’ll only solidify her decision.” My muscles tightened as I felt pain hit the back of my throat.
She pulled into the lane that would lead us to American Airlines and pushed the gear into park. “Maybe you don’t go then.”
I stared at her, incredulous. “What? This is my career, Brandy. I have to go.”
Brandy pursed her lips, and her eyebrows pulled together. “But do you really?”
I reeled back. “Yes, I do.”
She turned to face me fully and leaned in. “You’ve been pushing yourself for years. And I know what your motivation is. You’ve only pushed yourself to be the best because of Dad, and maybe you’ve been doing it for so long that it’s just a part of you—to be the best.”
“Everyone is counting on me to get on that plane.”
She scoffed. “Who? Noah? The team? That high-paid doctor? That doctor is going to get paid either way, and if it has to come out of your pocket, what does it matter?” She thrust out her chin, her gaze steady. “I’ve figured out why Alec and I didn’t work out.”
“Maybe if you had done it sooner, I’d be in a better place right now,” I deadpanned.
“I’m serious. We didn’t work out because he wasn’t enough. Because I was selfish, but ultimately, if being with him had outweighed my curiosity of the world, if being with him hadn’t felt like I was being tied down too early, then we would have lasted. What you gotta figure out is if … Sydney is enough.”