“It’s not that.”
My cheeks are burning, like in the office, and he’s not evenhere. I need to calm myself down.
“I’ve never done a piece this big before,” I go on. “I want to give it my all.”
His voice softens with a glimmer of sympathy, but I could be imagining it, imagining everything between us. “I understand. We can do more than one session.”
A pause, leaving me wanting to scream at him, to ask him what it meant, if anything. Or was it as simple as he said?
He saw the spot of wetness on my panties, and he wanted to get off.
I could be another of his women. Or worse. A regret.
“Thank you,” I say. “When do you want to start?”
“When can you start?”
“I’m not the one acquiring an international media company.”
He laughs in that confident tone, making me think of his smirk and intense blue eyes drinking me in.
“The acquisition is almost over. As long as I don’t do anything wild, we’ll be okay.”
“Isn’t wild sort of your thing?”
Despite my burning cheeks, it’s easier to say stuff like this over the phone than it would be in person.
But then, I pulled down my pants for this man in person and saw him withhispants down.
“Yeah, it is,” he replies. “But it gets me in trouble sometimes.”
I wonder if he’s talking about more than his stunts.
“I get carried away,” he goes on. “And I do things I shouldn’t.”
“It’s not good to have regrets,” I mutter, hating that I have to think of myself like that in relation to him.
“I never regret these things,” he says intensely. “I shouldn’t do them. I know better. But I don’t regret it.”
Are we talking about us? Or am I just wishing too hard?
“We could get started soon,” I say. “What about tomorrow?”
“That sounds perfect.”
We arrange a time, but all the while I’m thinking about the reality of it, the fact of what I’m going to do. Lean down over this man’s naked back, his broad muscles.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to do my work effectively.
My hand might shake too fiercely.
I should tell him to find somebody else.
I don’t. I can’t.
Fine, we’ve only been intimate once.
But I feel addicted already.