And of course I trusted him. Why else would I have put on that show for him in the shower room, exposing myself both literally and metaphorically? Trust was a choice, and it was a choice that deep down I suspected I’d made days ago. He hadn’t once let me down and I knew in my gut that he never would.
I’d been so blind, so stupid, so fixed on my issues and doggedly pursuing a course of action that I’d thought would keep me safe. But all I’d succeeded in doing was throwing away the best thing that had ever happened to me.
What on earth had I been thinking? What had I done? Would he ever forgive me? And was there anything I could do to fix the catastrophic mistake I’d made?
Twenty-four hours later, I was back on Suza, waving James off as he sped away in his boat, only this time I had no luggage and a pretty good idea of the reception I was going to get.
With every step I took up the jetty and along the wide sandy path that led to the villa, my heart pounded that little bit harder and my stomach tightened with ever increasing knots. I hadn’t told Nick I was coming. I hadn’t wanted him to take himself off and go into hiding, which he’d be perfectly justified in doing. But I knew he was here. I’d got my brother to check.
The hot midday sun beat down on me from a cloudless azure sky, though that wasn’t the cause of the film of sweat that coated my skin. The gardens, the terrace and the beach bore no trace of the storm that had ravaged the island only a few weeks ago. The lawn and the flower pots were immaculate. The pool shimmered. The house, however, appeared to be closed up. The windows were shuttered. Everything was eerily quiet.
Nick could be out kite-surfing or sailing, of course, but what if he wasn’t, in fact, here at all? I wondered suddenly as I glanced around for signs of activity and found none. What if Seb was wrong and my journey had been made in vain? How would I make amends for everything then?
Straightening my spine and lifting my chin, I fought back the doubt and swallowed down the nerves. I had a speech prepared and I would do everything possible to see that it was delivered. If I had to wait, for however long, then so be it. If Nick truly wasn’t around I would track him down until I found him.
I knocked on the front door and waited, my heart in my throat as the seconds ticked silently by, but there was no response. So I tried the handle, and, when it yielded, opened the door. I paused only for a second to consider whether or not I’d be invading his privacy if I headed on in. Of course I would. But did I care? No.
I walked through the cool airy space, batting away the memories that were cascading into my head in order to concentrate on the goal. There was the console table, I noticed, an intense rush of heat infusing my body despite my determination to focus. There was the spot where I’d told him he was mistaking lust for love. The sitting room looked as untouched as it had been before, but the kitchen was a mess. Papers were strewn across the dining table and chairs stood awry. Empty wine bottles lined up on the island and dirty plates lay next to the sink.
But of Nick there was no sign.
Feeling strange and off balance, as though I were having an out-of-body experience, I climbed the stairs, my limbs seeming to function without my direction. I checked the rooms, and eventually found him passed out on his back in the room that I’d once occupied, my pink dress screwed up in a ball beside him.
At the sight of him, unshaven, drawn, haggard but still so gorgeous my heart ached, the numbness disappeared and every emotion I’d managed to keep at bay—the sorrow, the regret, the remorse, the love I’d denied for so long—started battering me on all sides. How could I ever have given him up? Now I was here, could I actually put things right?
Desperately hoping I could, I leaned down and gave him a shake. ‘Nick.’
He grunted and swatted at my hand, so I did it again. Harder.‘Nick.’
That provoked more of a reaction. A split second after I’d said his name his eyes opened and he looked at me for about two seconds before he grabbed me and pulled me down on top of him. He clamped one hand to the back of my neck and planted the other on the small of my back and kissed me until I was hot and dizzy. With a muffled groan, he rolled me over and ran a hand over me, which made me moan and wrap myself around him since I’d missed him and this so much, at which point he froze and reared back, evidently fully awake now.
‘You,’ he growled, extricating himself from me and leaping off the bed as if he’d been burned.
I ran a trembling hand through my hair, my heart hammering like a steam train, my breathing so laboured I was going dizzy. ‘Me.’
‘What the hell are you doing here, Amelia?’
So I was back to Amelia. That was understandable. But those kisses of his had been something else and they strengthened my resolve as much as they weakened my knees.
‘I didn’t think you’d answer my calls,’ I said, getting up and tugging my clothes into place with fingers that were trembling as a result of his passionate embrace.
‘So you thought you’d break into my home instead.’
‘The door was unlocked.’
‘What do you want?’
‘To talk.’
‘I think we’ve said all there is to say, don’t you?’
The bitterness in his voice chilled me to the bone, but what had I expected?
‘No. I don’t,’ I said heatedly. ‘There is more. So much more.’
The look he threw me was dark, his brows snapping together. ‘Are you pregnant?’
What? ‘No.’