Yeah, take out one problem, so he could focus on the other, because a showdown was coming, a real wild west fucking showdown.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cedar
I woke toan empty house. I would be giving him shit for that, Mr. One More Day. The dogs needed to go out. Calling for them, we headed outside. I turned, then froze, when I saw the bluebells on the bench. My head snapped up, and my heart ached as I looked around. My hands shook when I reached for them. I heard the dogs, before I looked over, and there he was. I couldn’t stop the sob that burned up my throat. My legs went weak, but he reached me, and feeling his hands on me again, I couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
“Are you really here?” I whispered.
“Yeah, Slick.” His voice, god, I’d missed it…him.
I threw my arms around his neck; his went around me. He felt different; he wasn’t the boy he’d been, but a man, and I’d missed it, all those years. I didn’t know how long we held each other before he released me.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
I looked into those gray eyes I loved, but they were different, too. I saw love, but there was pain, and coldness buried deeper. He ran his thumb over my cheek and my heart crack. “I owe you a goodbye.”
Fresh tears welled. “Stay,” I said, before I really even knew I intended to say it.
“We can’t go back, Slick. I’m not the same person, and I wasn’t good enough for you then, I’m sure as fuck not now.”
“Don’t say that. You were all I ever wanted.”
“You’re all I ever wanted.”
I was having trouble pulling air into my lungs.
“If I could turn back the clocks…” He took my hand. “I’d have done it differently; I’d have held on. I had the dream in my hands.”
“I can’t do this again.” I sobbed. “I can’t lose you again.”
“I needed to tell you.” His voice broke. “It was because of me your parents died.”
“What?”
“I called them…” He walked from me, pulled a hand through his hair. “I called them for help. It was because of me, they were at that intersection.”
He’d been holding on to that. My heart broke all over again as I closed the distance and took his face in my hands. “Is that what you think? My parents loved you. You needed them. What happened was a horrible accident, but they’d have gotten into that car even knowing what their fate was because that is what family does. And you were our family.”
His eyes were bright. “I’m so sorry, Cedar.”
“Me too, but I don’t blame you. I could never blame you.” I studied him, his beloved face that haunted my dreams. “Trouble is coming.”
“Maybe.” His voice went hard. “But it won’t touch you.”
I touched his jacket. “Are they family?”
“As close as I’ll ever have.”
I nodded and lowered my head, because it wasn’t fair that he had to settle, that he had to, once again, take the scraps instead of finding happiness, finding love. He touched my chin and lifted my gaze. “Are you happy?”
“A part of me never will be knowing that you’re out there, surviving but not living. That your hand was forced, your fate decided by that fuck of a father.”
He smiled. “Nice language.”
I laughed because what a ludicrous thing to say. “I’ve changed, too.”
He studied me. “All for the better from where I’m standing, though your wardrobe is kind of tamed.”