“How are you and Summer doing anyway?” Cliff’s tone is somber. He knows everything about my past with Summer.
Well, mostly.
“We’re okay.” I shrug a shoulder and laugh, though it sounds hollow.
When it comes to my friendship with Summer, I still feel that way.
Hollow.
Will she ever be real with me again? We’ve healed our relationship somewhat after I betrayed her so long ago. When I was young and stupid and so heavily influenced by my mother. Full of insecurities and distrust.
I’m still that way, minus the heavily-influenced by my mother part.
Thank God.
“If you say so.” The look on Cliff’s face says otherwise. “And trust that everyone in attendance today will be paying attention to you at some point. It’s your first public appearance after what happened, correct?”
“In an official capacity, yes.” I don’t really go out. Not anymore. I’m a little hermit, holed up in my fancy apartment, all by myself. I prefer it that way.
Going out, partying…leads to temptation. To things I shouldn’t touch. Shouldn’t do.
“Is that what you plan on wearing to the wedding?” Cliff’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
I glance down at my severely cut jet-black dress that I found in my grandmother Lancaster’s archives. Yes, my family archives clothes like they’re museum pieces, but with our kind of money, it’s a smart move. Most of the clothing we purchase goes on to become iconic. Historic even. “What’s wrong with it?”
“It’s black.”
“I’m in mourning.”
“Darling, you can’t wear black to an afternoon wedding.”
“Says who?”
Cliff ignores my question. “Definitely not a spring wedding. You’ll look like a dark, little, dreary cloud.”
“Everyone else will look like an Easter egg. I’m the only one who’ll arrive with an ounce of sophistication beyond the bride.” I drink more vodka, the alcohol buzzing through my veins pleasantly, making me feel warm. Loose. Languid. Like I could collapse on the floor and fall asleep at any moment. Cliff doesn’t stop me from drinking either, though I see the judgment in his golden-brown gaze.
It's best that I ignore it.
“Hasn’t it been long enough? Your mourning period?” The concern in my friend’s gaze, in his voice, makes me pause.
A sigh leaves me and I rest my hands on top of the bar, curling my fingers around the edges of the marble countertop. “It will never be long enough.”
“Mourning a man you didn’t even love is pointless—”
“To you,” I interrupt. “But to me, I must continue mourning him because I didn’t love him, Cliff. I let him die. He deserves at least that bit of respect from me.”
He doesn’t acknowledge mylet him diecomment because Cliff doesn’t believe it. More like he doesn’t listen to me because if he did, for once, he’d realize that I’m telling the truth.
It’s my fault Earl is dead. And he deserves more than my meager respect, but I am only one woman, and can only do so much.
“You can’t wear black to your brother’s wedding.” Cliff says this with such finality, I’m momentarily taken aback.
And somewhat ready to agree with him.
“I still don’t understand why you aren’t a part of the wedding. He’s your brother, and you’re just a guest. At your family’s estate.” Cliff shakes his head. “It makes no sense.”
“It makes sense to me,” I say, my voice small. I didn’t want to play even a small part in Whit and Summer’s wedding because first of all, I don’t really deserve to and second, I don’t want to risk being forced to spend time with my mother. I expressed my feelings to my brother, and while he was upset that I didn’t want to participate, he also understood my reasons.